


I Just Want You (To Sleep)

by kaikoko



Series: misconnected [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Basketball Player Mark Lee (NCT), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Insomnia, Kissing, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25042084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaikoko/pseuds/kaikoko
Summary: Donghyuck expects his first year at university to be like everyone else's; being drowned with homework, going to parties, and meeting new people. While all of that is true, he doesn’t expect his roommate to make things a lot more complicated.(or Mark can't sleep at night and Donghyuck makes that his problem.)
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: misconnected [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2057727
Comments: 77
Kudos: 631





	1. Chapter 1

Donghyuck wasn’t the most popular kid ever, but it wasn’t like no one knew who he was. He had a good group of close friends and talked to a lot of kids who were in his other classes. He was pretty well known, just not really popular. People knew his name, knew his group, but no one was really interested in learning everything about him.

On the other hand, everyone knew who Mark Lee was. It was hard _not_ too. Even in high school, all everyone could ever talk about was Mark Lee. _Did you see his game last night? Isn’t he so hot? He’s acing honors physics and has abs, could anyone be more perfect?_ Donghyuck has heard it all and to be honest, he doesn’t see what everyone else sees. Even his friends talk about Mark like he’s some unattainable god. 

“Listen, if I was gay, _and I am,_ I would date Mark Lee.” Jaemin had said one day at lunch, looking at Mark as he walked in, along with what seemed like everyone in the lunchroom. 

“Everyone would date Mark Lee, you're not special.” Renjun had replied, stealing food off of Jaemins plate while he wasn’t looking. 

Donghyuck had just rolled his eyes, letting out a snort. There was nothing really special about Mark Lee. So he threw a ball into a basket. So he plays guitar. So he’s passing the one class that everyone fails. What's the big deal? He thinks everyone’s just thirsting over him, and once again he doesn’t understand why.

He’ll admit that Mark isn’t _ugly_ , but he’s certainly not the reincarnation of Jesus Christ himself, like everyone acts like he is. He does have abs, which instantly makes someone ten times as attractive as they were before, but Donghyuck would rather die before he lets Renjun know that. 

“You’re just jealous that there's someone who's attractive and whose personality doesn’t suck and it’s not you.” Jaemin said in response to Donghyuck obvious opinions about Mark. 

“Hey I’m attractive,” Hyuck said in what was supposed to be fake hurt but came out more defensive than what he was going for. 

“Sure you’re not bad, but your personality can be a bit insane.” Renjun had added. And Donghyuck doesn’t argue because they all know he’s right. Mark’s personality made him a perfect fit for their school heartthrob. While you expect a basketball team captain to be kind of a jerk, Mark is actually really _nice,_ so nice it's almost annoying. And he’s _nerdy._ He's a nerdy basketball captain that’s nice. 

Donghyuck on the other hand is a troublemaker that has no problem telling his opinion about something straight to someone's face. But he’s _barely_ passing honors physics so he and Mark may not be so different. Even so, he still thinks Mark is more than a little overrated. 

“What’s your problem with Mark Lee anyways? Are you actually jealous? Because I don't think it’s possible for anyone to hate him.” Jaemin had asked.

“I don’t have a problem with Mark Lee, it’s just that people praise the ground he walks on. He’s just like us, I don’t see why everyone acts like he’s not.” He had shrugged, already felt like they had spent enough time talking about Mark.

“That’s not really his fault though, is it? It’s not like he asks people to obsess over him, in fact, he tells people to stop all the time.” Jaemin said while he just shrugged again. Jaemin wasn’t wrong, but he still thought that he was overrated. It’s not like he hated Mark, it was just that he wasn’t going to swoon every time he entered a room. 

“I still think you just find him hot and don’t know how to deal with it.” Renjun teased. 

“Shut up.” Donghyuck had said, throwing one of the chips he was eating at Renjun, who just threw his head back and laughed. 

  
  


When Mark had graduated from high school, he thought that it would be the last that he would have to hear about him. Only he’s _very_ wrong, as things only seemed to get worse. Not only did he _still_ hear about Mark, he might even hear more about Mark than he heard before. Now that people could talk about him without it being directly in front of him, everyone was talking about how well he was doing in college. 

He heard non stop about the scholarships Mark received, how he was already the basketball captain again not even a year on the team, how he's just as untouchable in college as he was in high school. It felt as if Donghyuck knew him personally, with how up to date he was one the latest in Mark’s life. 

Then came Donghyuck's graduation, and he couldn’t be more excited to finally leave high school. This was his chance to start over, make a new name for himself, and most importantly, not have to hear how Mark Lee was doing every day. 

  
  


But life doesn’t really go the way you want it to. 

  
  


____

  
  
  


Before he knows it, it’s move in day, and he’s already fifteen minutes late.

He was supposed to meet Renjun and Jaemin at the campus, as they were assigned to the same dorm building. He looked at his phone, now 20 minutes late, and an explicit text from Renjun asking where he was. He quickly got up, and got ready, knowing that an angry Renjun is not something he wants to deal with this early in the morning. 

Or ever. 

He’s glad that he finished packing everything up the night before, as he grabs his things and hurries out the door. He reaches the campus about a half an hour late, knowing that Renjun and Jaemin had probably given up on waiting for him, and had gone up to their rooms to unpack their things without him. He figured he should do the same, already getting a late start into the busy day. 

This was the part of college that Donghyuck was the most excited for; getting to have a roommate. This was a crucial part of how your time in college would be decided. He just really hopes his roommate isn’t super weird, or bring a bunch of people over, and isn’t messy. As long as they're not those three things, he figures they should get along well. 

He grabs his dorm key, seeing the number 206 on it, making his way up to his new room. When he gets to the front of the door and turns the knob, a sense of excitement creeps its way up to his stomach. He opens the door, reaching behind him to grab his suitcase, and pulls it in with him. 

“Hello?” He calls out, peering around the dorm to see if anyone was here. When he doesn’t get an answer, he figures that maybe his roommate isn’t home and that he should find his room and start unpacking anyways. 

He was lucky enough to get put into the dorms that had a kitchen and small living room area, but upon further inspection, he only sees one door to another room. Out of curiosity, he goes to the room door to check it out. When he looks inside the room, he realizes that this room must be his roommates, the way that the furniture and decorations point out. His roommate looks pretty clean, even his bed is made.

Upon further glancing into the room, he finds a picture of what must be the occupant of the room. It must be a photo from a couple of years ago, the person in the picture looking a lot younger than someone in college. It looks _so_ familiar though, and Donghyuck swears he's seen a smile that looks just like that. _It’s kinda cute,_ he finds himself thinking. 

He hears the door open, and he quickly ducks out of the room, instead, standing awkwardly in the hallway. He looks at the person who would be his roommate, but when they meet eyes, he’s filled with instant recognition. 

  
  


“Mark Lee.” He said, staring at the older in disbelief. 

Well, that’s not what he expected. Of all the people in the world to be paired up with, of course with his luck, it's Mark Lee. Jaemin is not going to believe him, and he can already hear Renjuns teasing. 

“Do we… know each other? And why are you in my dorm?” Mark looked at him, searching his mind for a memory of the unfamiliar face that obviously knew who he was. He forgot that Mark doesn’t really know him and that him saying his name was probably pretty creepy. 

“Oh right, um, we kinda went to high school with each other.” He mumbled out, Mark giving him an unimpressed look. “Okay… so why are you here?” He said, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here talking to Donghyuck. He tried not to be offended, but he had expected a bit of a warmer welcome, especially from someone like Mark. 

“Ummmm, this is kind of my dorm? I guess we’re roommates.” He said, showing Mark his key to their shared dorm. Mark grabs the key from his hand, inspecting it like he doesn’t believe what he’s saying. Wasn’t Mark supposed to be some nice nerdy jock? Why was he acting like a jerk?

“There must be some kind of mistake. You’re definitely not going to be my roommate.” He said handing the key back to him. “I’m 100% sure this is the correct dorm, otherwise why would the key work? Also if you can’t read, it literally says the room number on the top. We’re definitely roommates.” Hyuck had said, getting increasingly more annoyed with the olders behavior. 

“You should go talk to the dorm supervisor because this has to be some kind of mistake. They probably just assigned you to the wrong room.” Mark said, grabbing his suitcase and starting to push him towards the doors. “Hold on a second,” Hyuck had said, grabbing his suitcase back.

“Why can’t I be your roommate? Is there something wrong with that?” He said, wondering if Mark had something against him personally. This was the first time they’ve interacted and he’s sure that he’s never done anything wrong towards him. 

“What? No. It’s just that the school knows that I always request to live alone, and there’s only one room, we can’t both stay in there.” Mark said, opening the door to their dorm. “Here I’ll come with you and sort this out.” He sighed out, the tone of his voice making it sound like Donghyuck wouldn’t be able to manage on his own.

He wants to tell Mark it's fine, and that he’ll figure it out alone, but he’s not the one with the problem here, so he figures Mark should deal with it himself. They both walk down to where the dorm supervisor was, Mark, walking ahead to go and talk to them. 

“Doyoung, there must be a mistake. This kid thinks that they’re my roommate, but I only have one room.” Mark says and then leans in to whisper something in Doyoungs ear. He can’t help but feel like he said something about him, and he thinks that he would be more than okay if this was all a mistake and he could get another roommate. He sees the supervisor, Doyoung, look at Mark with sympathetic eyes that just make him feel even worse. 

“I’m sorry Mark, but this isn’t a mistake. The dorms are super overcrowded and we had to double people up. Didn’t you check your email? Actually I’m pretty sure I told you this like last week too. I know you… well _you know,_ but there's really not much I can do. Look I’ll talk to someone and see if we can switch rooms or something, but I wouldn’t expect anything, it’s a little late to be changing roommates.” Doyoung said, giving Mark a small pat on the back. Mark just looks furious, walking back in the direction of their dorm after muttering out a ‘thanks anyway’. Donghyuck follows behind him, not expecting that Mark could be so _intimidating_.

When they reach their dorm again, Mark just goes straight to his room, closes his door, and he can hear him collapse on his bed. He gets that this situation isn’t exactly ideal, but it's not his fault that he was assigned to this room. He hopes that maybe Mark is just having a bad day, or is super tired, the way the dark circles under his eyes told him he was. He gets that Mark may be having a bad day, but now he's alone, awkwardly sitting on the couch in the living room, not knowing where to put all of his stuff. 

He figures that with the way Mark’s acting, he’s not going to get an answer any time soon, so he pulls out his phone to text Jaemin and Renjun. 

  
  


_12:38_

you won’t believe the day I’ve had

  
  


**_Nana_ **

_12:38_

let's go get lunch and talk about it? 

i’m hungry and I want to rant about my hot roommate

not that it’s a competition but i think i definitely won best roommate

  
  
  


**_Injunnie_ **

_12:39_

where we meeting 

_12:41_

the parking lot?

  
  
  
  


He decided to leave his bag sitting in the living room, sparing one more glance at Mark's door before rolling his eyes and making his way to the parking lot. He hopes when he comes back Mark is in a better mood, and they can actually figure out how the two of them are going to live with each other. 

He’s the last one to reach the parking lot, his two friends already waiting for him. “Where do you guys want to go eat?” Hyuck asks, eager to spill to his friends the strange morning he’s had. “I think there's some coffee shop that's only like five minutes from here. We could just walk over.” Jaemin suggests, and they all nod in agreement, starting their way down the street. 

  
  


____

The coffee shop looks pretty run down from the outside, dusty colored bricks and a small hand drawn sign with chipping paint hung right above the door. The inside gives the same old, vintage feel, with old photos and art pieces hanging from the walls, and long wooden tables. The smell of brewing coffee and freshly baked pastries make his stomach growl. They grab their drinks and opt for a table outside, enjoying the warm weather before it starts to get cold again. 

“You guys won’t believe who my roommate is,” he said, as he set his drink and sandwich on the table. He looks up to see Jaemin and Renjun staring at him, expectantly waiting for him to tell them who it is. “It’s Mark Lee.” 

He’s not disappointed when Jaemin starts choking on what he calls ‘coffee’ but is really just pure caffeine that he was drinking. “No way, _Mark Lee?_ Mark Lee from our high school Mark Lee? He’s your roommate?” Jaemin says in surprise after he stops choking. 

“Yeah, that’s the one.” He sighs out.

“Dude you’re so lucky what the heck, my roommate is from another planet I swear,” Renjun joins in. He doesn’t really consider himself lucky, with how today's events played out. Mark was the last person on Earth he would’ve thought to be his roommate, but the thought wasn’t entirely off putting. Well at least before seeing Mark’s behavior. 

When he first saw Mark, he figured that with how everyone describes him, he would be a good roommate. He was known to be nice, wouldn’t leave messes everywhere, and most importantly was notorious for not dating. At least he wouldn’t have to deal with him bringing girls, or guys, over. Especially with their whole ‘only one room’ fiasco they still had to sort out. 

“If you want to switch me roommates, please. Please let me change rooms with you, I don’t think I can deal with Mark for a whole year.” Hyuck said, sounding dramatic but filled with sincerity. 

“Don’t tell me you still have a problem with him. It’s college now, maybe try to just get to know him, be his friend. Who knows things might end up better than you expect.” Renjuns tone holds something that sounds like he knows something the rest of them don’t. 

“I don’t have a problem with Mark, Mark has a problem with me,” Hyuck huffs out. 

“What did you do? Did you say something mean? How could you be mean to someone as pure as Mark?” Jaemin says, his voice already accusing. 

“ _I_ didn’t do anything. Mark is the one who started freaking out. Apparently he isn’t supposed to have a roommate because of something he won’t tell me about, and there’s only one room in the dorm so now I have no idea where I’m supposed to put all my stuff or sleep. And he had to make it worse by acting like its my fault and basically throwing a tantrum over it.” Hyuck gets increasingly more annoying just thinking about it.

“Maybe he was just having a bad day. Doesn’t the basketball team practice early today? He was probably just tired. Just give him some time and maybe things will be better when you go back.” Renjun suggested. Donghyuck just nodded, not really feeling any better about the whole thing.

“Okay but you guys have to hear about my hot new roommate. I think he’s also on the basketball team too but I’m not sure. Anyways-” Jaemin started. To be honest, Donghyuck did want to hear about Jaemins supposedly hot roommate, but he couldn’t really pay attention, his mind wandering back to what he was supposed to do when he had to go back to his dorm.

  
  


He had a feeling it was going to be a really long year. 

  
  


___

  
  


After spending around an hour at the coffee shop, they decided that it was probably time they headed back to their dorms, as everyone wasn’t quite done with unpacking yet. Much to Donghyucks attempts at stalling, it proved to be ineffective, both of his friends seeing through his act. 

When they did get back to the dorm, he bid his friends a very dramatic goodbye and made his way back up to his dorm. He hoped that Mark wasn’t as grumpy as he was before, not really wanting to cause any drama, he just wants a place to stay. 

When he opens their front door, he pokes his head in, checking for signs that Mark was up. He didn’t see anything, opening the door all the way and walking in, hoping Mark was still in his room sleeping or something. He's about to go sit back on the couch and have a mini breakdown over what he should do for the rest of the day, but he sees that Mark is actually awake, standing in the kitchen. 

He considers turning around and walking out the door again, but figures that he has no place to go, so he should probably sort all of this out. Mark seems to have noticed his presence as he turns around, looking back at Donghyuck. He’s about to break the slightly uncomfortable silence, but Mark beats him to it. 

“Okay I’m sorry how I acted earlier, but this situation like _really_ screws with like everything, so is there any way you could find another place?” Mark had the audacity to say. 

“Look, I know that this isn’t ideal for you, but seriously? It’s my first week of college, my roommate turns out to be an asshole, and now I’m being kicked out?” Hyuck said, so over all of this already. “I’m not kicking you out,” Mark sighed.

“No, you’re just asking me to leave.”  
“I’m not asking you to leave either. It’s just well, you shouldn’t stay because I… well it’s not important. You know what? You, you can stay.” Mark said, seemingly having given up on arguing. “You’re _letting_ me stay? I know you were here first, but I have just as much right to be here as you do,” Hyuck said, annoyed but glad that Mark isn’t trying to kick him out anymore. Mark just sighs again, looking towards the suitcase standing by the couch. 

“You can just put your stuff in my closet, I don’t really use it,” Mark said, leading both of them into Mark’s room. They walk in, giving Donghyuck a better view of the inside. There’s a bunch of books and papers piled up on his desk, messy yet organized. In the corner of his room are a bunch of trophies, what he’s assuming is from basketball. When Mark opens his closet door, he sees that it’s actually quite big. About half of the space is filled up from hanging clothes and a couple of pairs of shoes. 

“You can use this half,” Mark said, pointing at the empty space. Hyuck just gave him a nod as he sat on the floor, and began to unzip his suitcase. Mark turns around to leave, but Donghyuck stops him before he can. “Wait. Where will I sleep?” he asked. Mark took a look around his room, considering the options. “Well I mean there's not really too much room in here, would you be okay taking the couch? It’s kind of small, but I don’t have any other options.” Mark suggests.

“That couch is way too small for me to sleep on, it's like _half_ my size,” Donghyuck says, not really pleased with the suggestion. “Okay, well I mean you could just sleep on the floor in my room? At least until we find something that works better,” Mark says, sounding like he would rather die than have that be an option. But it seems to be the only one that would work for him, so he nods his head, and goes back to unpacking.

It did seem like Mark was in a better mood, but there was still something else in the way he acted towards Donghyuck. It felt like Mark wanted nothing to do with him, making him feel like some sort of accidental burden, rather than his roommate. Maybe today is just an off day. 

  
  
  


___

  
  
  


That night, he makes sure he’s ready for his first official day of college, excited yet nervous all at the same time. He feels like he’s back in middle school, picking out what he’s going to wear and making sure he has everything in his backpack. After he gets ready for tomorrow, he enters Mark’s room again, getting into bed.

Well more like a blowup mattress in the middle of Mark’s room, but it’s better than the tiny couch. Mark had left earlier, out to practice basketball, and was still gone. Not that Donghyuck was waiting for him, it was just that he was a little worried that Mark was gone so long. He’s not really sure why, as they had just met that day, and Mark hasn’t even been nice to him. 

Eventually, after aimlessly scrolling on his phone for a while, he hears the front door open, and someone walk inside. The footsteps grow louder until he can tell Mark is just outside of the room, the handle turning and the door opening. Mark walks in, and Donghyuck tries to look uninterested, bringing all his attention back to his phone screen. 

Mark kicks off his shoes, throws his keys on his desk, and collapses on his bed. Donghyuck finally brings his eyes up from his phone screen to glance at Mark, taking in his tired and worn out expression. Mark looks _exhausted,_ eyes droopy and filled with sleep. Basketball practice must be no joke. 

“Can I turn the light off?” Mark asks, and Donghyuck nods. He murmurs out a ‘yeah’ when he realizes that Mark probably can’t see him from where he’s laying. Mark flips the lights, the room going dark, Donghyuck’s phone screen lighting up a portion of the room. A silence settles in the room, the sounds of them shifting every once in a while filling up the void. 

Donghyuck starts to get tired, setting an alarm, and putting his phone down to finally go to sleep. It’s about midnight, and he has to wake up around seven, the thought already making him tired. He’s drifting off into sleep, but the loud sounds of blankets rustling bring his attention back to the room. Mark seems to not be able to sleep, low sighs leaving his throat while he tosses and turns. Eventually, he hears Mark throw the blankets off, getting up from the bed. 

He assumes Mark is going to get some water or go to the bathroom, but he sees Mark slip his shoes on and grab his keys. He wants to ask Mark where he’s going, but he also doesn’t want to let Mark think that he cares. Curiosity gets the best of him, so when Mark is about to leave the room, he asks anyway. 

  
  


“Where are you going?” He said, trying to sound as nonchalant as he can manage. Mark stops before opening the door, looking over his shoulder back at Donghyuck. “I’m going for a run,” Mark says like it's normal. “A run? At midnight? You look like you could pass out, do you think going on a run is a good idea?” Hyuck said, the last part leaving his lips before he could stop them. 

“Just don’t worry about it,” Mark said, going to turn the doorknob again. “It’s not like I’d be sleeping anyways.” He’s pretty sure that he wasn’t meant to hear that, but with how quiet it was, he was able anyway.

Mark walks out of the room, the sound of the front door closing making Donghyuck realize how empty the dorm felt now. He wanted to tell Mark that it was stupid he was leaving this late and not going to sleep, especially with the way he looked like a walking zombie, but his pride is too stubborn and won’t let him admit he would actually care. I mean, if Mark wanted to stay out late, even with the first day of school being in a couple of hours, who was he to care? It wasn’t his problem. Eventually, he forgets about Mark’s stupid late night antics, and drifts off to sleep.

  
  


When he wakes up to his alarm blaring, he thinks that it might wake up his roommate, but when he looks over to his bed, Mark isn’t even there. 

____

  
  
  


Donhyuck sees less and less of Mark. He’s almost never home at night, and he’s always gone when he wakes up. Not only that, but he has class and practice for what seems like the whole day. He doesn’t mind though, as they're not exactly on the best terms. It’s just sometimes the dorm feels kind of… lonely. It feels like he’s living with a ghost that he’s waiting to come back to life. 

He wondered where Mark went during the night, and when the kid actually went to sleep. It was getting quite concerning as Mark always looked one step from falling over. But one night he woke up around 3 am to go to the bathroom, and Mark was in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Mark had noticed him, and they had stared at each other for a few very _uncomfortable_ moments before Donghyuck left the room. 

When he does see Mark though, it’s usually later in the evening, after Donghyuck has already had dinner. Mark ends class around 8, and comes home for a little bit before he goes to ‘basketball practice’ but he’s skeptical about it because who practices that late _every_ night? 

Today is no different, and Mark is just on schedule when Hyuck hears the front door opening. He’s currently sitting on the floor, struggling through his physics homework on the living room table when Mark enters. They’re still not really speaking to each other, still pretending like they practically live alone –which wasn’t very far off. 

Mark grabs a water bottle out of the fridge, and makes his way over to the table Donghyuck was at. Mark plops on the couch, reaching for the remote to turn something on the tv. Donghyuck just ignores the sounds, focusing on the homework he was working on.

He lets out a sigh, not understanding what he was doing at all. He was basically starting at the equations, waiting as if they would solve themselves. His professor was absolutely awful at teaching, and he can’t find any of the answers online, so he was well on his way to completely failing this class. He lets out another sigh, mimicking what he felt like a cry for help. 

He forgets that someone actually is in the room with him until Mark gets up off the couch, and sits next to him instead. “What are you sighing about?” He hears Mark ask, sounding just a little annoyed. He looks up to meet Mark's eyes, his pressing gaze making him look back down at the paper. 

“Homework,” Hyuck replies curtly, hoping Mark would go back to his place on the couch. To his dismay, Mark doesn’t leave and instead peers down at his homework. “You know that every single answer so far is wrong right? I mean I guess you’ve only answered two but still, both of them are wrong,” Mark says, and Donghyuck just huffs out an annoyed breath. 

“Are you here to annoy me? If you’re here to just tell me how stupid I am you can just leave, I already know. Both of those problems took me 2 hours by the way,” He said, moving his homework away from Mark, covering the paper with his arms. Mark just lets out a laugh, and sneaks his hands in between his arms, moving them away from the paper. He’d be lying if he said his heart hadn’t jumped a little, but he didn’t bother trying to figure out what it meant. 

Mark grabbed the homework out from under his arms, holding to his face to take a better look. “Do you want help? I’ve already taken this course,” Mark sets the paper back down on the table and grabs the pencil off the table, erasing his two hours of hard work. “I don’t need your help Mark, you’d just be a jerk about it and rub in how smart you are,” Hyuck said, attempting to grab the homework out of his hands. “I won’t be a jerk about it. Look you’re just forgetting one step, I’ll show you how to do it and then I’ll leave you to do the rest on your own.” Mark said, shoving Donghyuck hands away. 

This was definitely something that he hadn’t expected Mark to suggest, since they were barely speaking, much less helping each other with homework. He was still mad at Mark for being an asshole, but he really needed to pass this course, and Mark was probably his best bet right now. “Fine.” Hyuck stopped trying to grab his homework back, and allowed Mark to explain what he was doing wrong. 

It was weird, being this close to Mark. He had scooted closer to him, in order to show him where he was making a mistake. He was really trying to focus, but Mark’s thigh was pressed against the side of his own, which was distracting him way more than it should have. “Here try a problem by yourself.” Mark pushes the paper over to him, returning his attention back to the tv as Donghyuck starts to solve it. 

He really hadn’t been listening to Mark, his senses focused on how close Mark had been to him. The problems on the paper still made no sense, but he picked up the pencil and attempted to solve them again. He knows he doesn’t have the right answer, nowhere near in fact, but he taps Mark to signal he’s done. Mark moves over to look at his answer, his shoulder pressing into Donghyuck’s, making his heart jump once again. 

“It’s still wrong. Were you paying attention?” Mark asks accusingly. Donghyuck just looks down at his work, and lets out a frustrated sigh, hoping Mark will feel bad enough to show him again. “Can you explain it one more time?” Mark shakes his head and goes to move back up to sit on the couch. Donghyuck grabs the sleeve of Mark’s hoodie, stopping him before he can stand all the way up, and tugs it so that Mark has to sit back down. 

Mark gives him a surprised look, and Donghyuck can’t help but feel a little confident catching him off guard. “Can you please show me again. I promise I’ll listen this time.” Hyuck puts on his best pout. “Okay but you have to pay attention this time, okay?” Donghyuck nods, looking back down at the problem that Mark was explaining once again. 

It’s strange, just an hour ago, he was still mad at him for how he had acted when they first met. But now, sitting in their shared living room, a tv show playing quietly in the background, and the two of them sitting side by side on the floor, Mark’s low voice rambling on and on about some equation, it feels _nice._ They had obviously gotten off on the wrong foot, but he wouldn’t mind if things were a little more like this. 

“Wow you got them all right,” Mark said, checking over Donghyuck work again. He had repeatedly gotten the questions wrong, Mark having to explain it over again quite a few times. Eventually he had gotten one right, which resulted in a very dramatic celebration from Donghyuck. He had told Mark he thought he could do the rest by himself, but Mark didn’t leave his side, and Donghyuck passed the paper over to Mark after he solved a problem to make sure they were right. 

Once he completed his work, he looked over at the clock, already reading 10:30. Mark always had practiced this late, so why had he stayed here and helped Donghyuck with his homework. “Mark look at the time, weren’t you supposed to be at practice?” Mark looks up at the clock and turns back to face Donghyuck. 

“Practices got moved to the morning, so I don’t have to be anywhere.” Hyuck nods, standing up to sit on the couch. Mark stands up too, sitting next to him, watching some variety show that had been playing for the past couple hours. The clock keeps ticking and Donghyuck’s eyes get harder and harder to keep open.

Mark must notice that he’s falling asleep, because he feels someone lightly shaking his shoulders, his eyes snapping open. “You’re falling asleep. You should go to bed,” Mark turns his attention back to the TV. Donghyuck wants to ask if Mark is going to go to sleep too, but he can tell it’s a touchy subject for him. But they’re actually talking to each other now, so maybe Mark will tell him. “What about you? Are you going to go to sleep?” Donghyuck looks at Mark hesitantly. 

Mark shifts in his seat, avoiding Donghyuck’s gaze. “Y-yeah, maybe in a little bit,” Donghyuck feels his heart twist a little. Mark hasn’t been sleeping ever since he started sleeping in his room, and he can’t help but to feel that he's a little bit responsible. Mark’s dark circles keep growing bigger and bigger, and he’s worried that it will just get worse and worse before something bad happens. 

Maybe Donghyuck staying in Mark’s room was a little overbearing, maybe Mark was uncomfortable with him staying in there. “You know, the couch is really comfortable, I wouldn’t mind sleeping out here,” Donghyuck dramatically flops down on the couch, showing Mark how comfortable he could be. 

“You don’t have to sleep on the couch. I’m fine with you sleeping in my room,” Mark seems to have caught on to what Donghyuck was saying, which made Donghyuck even more confused. If he was fine with him sleeping in his room, why wasn’t Mark fine with sleeping in his own room? The only explanation he can come up with is that Mark is lying and is too nice to say it to his face. “No, I kind of want to sleep out here,” Donghyuck stands up, walking into Mark’s room, coming back with a handful of blankets. He plops back down on the couch next to Mark, curling himself up to lay down on the very small amount of space left. 

“Donghyuck you can’t sleep out here,” Mark starts to pull at the blankets that Donghyuck was wrapped up in. Donghyuck slaps his hand away, pulling the blankets over his head. “You can’t stop me Mark,” he whines. Mark lets out his signature giggle muttering an ‘okay fine’, and Donghyuck can’t help but smile underneath the blankets. 

Mark continues to watch tv, Donghyuck peeking his head out of the blankets to watch with him. For the first time in a while, he feels like he could really get some sleep, the usual empty quietness of the dorm filled with the sounds of the tv and Mark’s quiet breathing. He drifts off to sleep, hoping that things could be like this for a while. 

  
  


____

Donghyuck wakes up, expecting a sore neck and stiff muscles, but he feels oddly relaxed. Opening his eyes, he realizes that he’s very much not on the couch, but on a bed, which is weird because he doesn’t have a bed. He looks around to see the familiar desk and trophies, as well as his own blow up mattress on the floor. And that’s when he realized he was in _Mark’s_ bed. 

He definitely remembers insisting on going to sleep on the couch, so why was he in Mark’s bed? The only reasonable explanation is that Mark moved him here last night, but there’s no way that Mark would’ve done that.

Maybe he had sleepwalked last night and for some reason ended up in Mark’s bed. _yeah definitely sleepwalked._ He doesn’t have time to dwell on it though, as his first class starts in about 10 minutes, and he really didn’t want to deal with Mr. Hill who was not forgiving when people showed up late. As odd as it felt, he lifted Mark’s covers off, and got up. 

  
  


Chemistry is by far his least favorite class. He hasn’t been focusing on the lecture, not that it would matter since he feels like his professor is speaking a different language. He can’t stop thinking about waking up in Mark’s bed, and how he possibly could’ve ended up there. He’s never slept walked before either, so he’s pretty sure it was Mark. 

As much as he was worried about what possible reason Mark could have for moving him to his own bed, the tiredness that had been following him for weeks seems to be gone. He hadn’t slept on a bed for a while, and sleeping on the floor was not doing good for his back. The thought of where Mark slept last night enters his mind, he's never seen him sleep and honestly is convinced Mark is a vampire at this point. 

The bell rings, bringing his attention back into the classroom, grabbing his notebook and shoving it into his backpack. He exits the building, heading over to their usual lunch spot, already finding Jaemin and Renjun sitting at a table. 

“My God finally, I’ve been listening to Jaemin whine for the past 20 minutes,” Renjun grabs his arm and pulls him to sit next to him. Jaemin just rolls his eyes, but keeps whining anyways. “He told me he would _talk to me later,_ Renjun. What does that even mean?” Donghyuck can feel the stupidity of this conversation already. 

“It probably means that he’ll _talk to you later_ , Jaemin. Is this really what I have to deal with now?” Jaemin lets out a groan, dramatically letting his head fall onto the table. “I just hope you,” Renjun turns to look at Donghyuck, “don’t have to complain about a guy too. I can’t deal with both of your hopelessness at the same time.” 

Donghyuck knows that Renjun is referring to Mark, and now is probably the worst time to be bringing him up. “Nope, everything’s fine, no complaints from me,” He put on his most convincing tone, but he knew Renjun would see right through it. “Really? With what happened earlier I was sure you would’ve said something.” 

_‘What happened earlier’?_ Donghyuck had no idea what Renjun was talking about. He knew it had something to do with Mark, but he hadn’t even seen the older since last night. “Why? What happened earlier?” He asked. 

“Did you really not hear?” Jaemin chimes in. Donghyuck shakes his head. “Mark passed out at basketball practice today,” he continues. “I was there when it happened, in the middle of playing he just fell over, and a minute later he was trying to stand back and play like nothing happened. Apparently he passed out from exhaustion.” 

Guilt creeps up his stomach, remembering waking up in Mark’s bed that morning. He must’ve not gone to sleep last night, he realizes. He had stayed up to help him with his homework and let him sleep in his bed, only for him to _pass out._ “Hey, are you okay? You kinda zoned out there for a sec,” Renjun says, snapping him out of it. “Huh? Yeah, I just wonder why he didn’t tell me about it.” 

“Wait, why were you at basketball practice,” Hyuck askes Jaemin, an attempt to change the subject before Renjun could question him further. Jaemins ears go red, laughing it off with some lame excuse all of them know isn’t true. “Ummm… I was thinking about trying out for the team,” he tries, causing both him and Renjun to look at each other and laugh. “So this has nothing to do with that roommate of yours?” Renjun presses, causing Jaemins face to heat up, throwing him a glare. 

“Nope,” he rushes out. “Why don’t we go get some food now?” He says, another attempt to change the subject. Jaemin stands up, Donghyuck following him as they make their way to the cafeteria. 

Renjun sighs, looking between the both of them. “You two are clueless,” he says before standing up to join them.

___

He doesn’t bring up the whole _passing out_ thing to Mark, even if it leaves an unsettling feeling in his stomach. The worst part is, Mark still helps him with his homework each night, and he somehow keeps waking up in his bed. He hates that he doesn’t want it to stop, the way Mark leans into him when he gets really into explaining a problem, or the smile he gives him when he gets something right. It makes his heart race and skin tingle, which is why he lets it go on. 

But after a week, Mark’s eyes get baggier and he has less and less energy. The guilt finally gets to be too much, and he finally decides to say something. 

“Mark you know you don’t have to do this, right?” Hyuck tells Mark that night while he’s helping him with chemistry homework. Mark gives him a confused look. “I mean, I heard that you passed out a couple of days ago. That’s really not healthy. If you want to go to sleep then you can, I can figure this out by myself,” he says, grabbing his chemistry book to solve one of the problems he had marked wrong. 

Mark takes the book back, continuing to check his work. When Donghyuck stares at him with a questioning gaze, Mark just lets out a “not tired.” Donghyuck lets out a laugh at how unconvincing Mark was, and the fact that he wasn’t even trying to hide it. “Mark you _passed out_ from _exhaustion_ and you’re not tired? You should really get some sleep,” Donghyuck said, taking his book back once again.

Mark lets out a frustrated groan. “Oh my god you’re not my mom, you can’t tell me when my bedtime is. I passed out for like 2 seconds, it wasn’t even that big of a deal.” That’s definitely not what Hyuck had heard, Jaemin had told him that he had passed out for at least a minute. Speaking of Jaemin, who was coincidentally at their practice, he really needs to find out who his roommate is. Mark probably knows them. 

“I’m not trying to tell you when you’re bedtime is,” he rolled his eyes. “I’m just saying I feel bad that you’re staying up to help me with my homework instead of getting some sleep that you obviously need,” He said, being cautious of his tone. “Just don’t worry about me, I’m fine. I’m not going to go to sleep anyway, might as well help you with your homework,” Mark said, trying to take the pencil out of Donghyuck's hand. 

“Mark stop, you should really go to sleep,” he held onto the pencil, which only seems to make Mark more annoyed. He knows that Mark is probably sleep deprived and is more irritable than usual, which is why Donghyuck is so confused as to why Mark won’t just go to sleep. “I know that you’ve been letting me sleep in your bed and I don’t want it to be because of me that you-”

“Donghyuck not everything is about you.” Mark yelled, making Donghyuck shut up. 

“God you’re so annoying sometimes. I can take care of myself okay? I don’t need you to pry your way into my business.” Mark continues, not seeing Donghyucks head drop and his shoulders sink. 

“I mean, even from the day I met you, you made everything about you. So you could at least not be so self centered and realize you breathing down my neck every second just makes things worse.” Mark looked up, seeing Donghyucks head hanging low, not able to bring himself to look the older in the eyes. 

Donghyuck was usually snappy, sassy, and not affected by other people's opinions of him. But Mark had pressed at every insecurity he had. He knew he was a lot to deal with sometimes, and he was always afraid people would think he was annoying and would leave him eventually. Sometimes he even wonders how long before Jaemin and Renjun get sick of him and leave. 

The scariest thing about friendship is the feeling that you care more than the other person. 

He doesn’t respond, turning around and walking into Mark’s room, grabbing the blanket off of his blow up mattress. He returns back to the living room with the blanket slung over his shoulder, Mark still sitting on the table, eyes following him as he sits on the back down on the couch, burying himself under the blanket. “What are you doing?” Mark asks hesitantly, his voice slightly muffled between the cloth. 

“I’m sleeping out here tonight,” He snaps out, laying down, and turning around so his back is faced towards Mark. He knows he’ll regret it in the morning, he has an early class the next day, and probably wouldn’t get very much sleep. He hears Mark sigh, as he starts walking to his own room until he can hear the door close. 

A couple of minutes later Mark’s door creaks open, keys jingling in his hands as he makes his way to the front door. He should be used to it, by how Mark goes out almost every night, but he _knows_ he has practice tomorrow morning and as much as his words have hurt him, he still cares. “Can you stay? Please?” He asks quietly, Mark stops at the sudden noise, his hand resting on the doorknob. “If you leave now I really won’t be able to sleep.”

It may be selfish, asking Mark not to leave so he can sleep without worrying whether Mark was okay or not, but all he can think about is Mark passing out. He is still standing by the door, hand frozen on the doorknob, contemplating whether he should leave or not. “I know you don’t want me prying. I know my nagging is annoying, but please? Just for tonight so I’m not worried you passed out on the side of the street.”

Mark looks down at his hand, sighing as he removes it from the doorknob. “Okay, yeah. I’ll, um… stay,” he says, slowly making his way back to his room. The door closes once again, the light in Mark’s room flickering off. 

The quietness envelopes the room again. Even though Mark had stayed, he still felt wide awake, the air still tense from the small fight they had had earlier. He knows a symptom of sleep deprivation is irritability, but Mark’s words had still hurt. Even if he hadn’t meant to say it, he knew there was some truth behind the words that had been thrown at him.

He doesn’t know how much time passes before he hears the door opening once again Mark’s quiet footsteps coming down the hallway. He’s about to complain, telling Mark he said he’ll stay, but the footsteps aren’t heading towards the door. They’re heading towards where he was laying. The footsteps stop right next to him, feeling an arm wrap under his waist, and another under his knees. He’s lifted into the air, Mark carrying him back to his own room, carefully setting him down on his bed. His heart is racing like crazy, and he hopes Mark can’t feel it and tell he’s awake. 

After Mark sets him down, he pulls his arms back, the loss of touch bringing a strange sense of longing. He figures Mark is about to leave, off to go do whatever Mark does in the middle of the night, which is exactly what he had wanted to avoid. So without thinking his hand comes up and grabs Mark’s arm, keeping him in place. 

Mark looks back at him with wide eyes, looking down at where his hand was wrapped around his bicep. “I thought you said you would stay,” he says quietly, not sure the meaning behind what he’s insinuating. Even if he stayed, Donghyuck was currently laying in his bed, and no way was he going to make Mark sleep on the floor or that minuscule little couch. 

He blames the lack of sleep on his next actions, scooting over a little so that Mark has enough room to lay down. He gets an unsure look in response, hesitating to make the next move. “I don’t think- it’s probably… well, that isn’t a good idea,” Mark manages to get out, his flushed cheeks visible even in the dim moonlight. 

He feels the embarrassment creep up, realizing he had just asked Mark to sleep in the same bed as him. After he told him he was annoying and self centered. “Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking,” he chuckles out, hoping to ease some of the awkwardness between them. He lets go of Mark’s arm, feeling more and more out of place in his bed. As much as he didn’t want to, he should probably leave and go back to the couch. 

He feels the bed dip with pressure, cutting off any train of thought. Mark was now also laying down, right by the edge of the bed. His back was facing Donghyuck, who was still surprised at the action. His brain finally catches up as he quickly goes to pull the covers off and return to the living room.

“Stay,” Mark rushes out before he can move the blanket. “You can stay,” he says again, more calmly this time. “For tonight.”Donghyuck hesitantly lays back down, giving Mark as much space as he can. It's still tense and a little awkward, but he’ll take it over the couch. 

He had figured Mark suffers from insomnia, but what he didn’t understand was that it was almost like Mark didn’t want to go to sleep. He always avoided his room at night, leaving the dorms or lounging in the living room. And when someone even brought up the idea of him sleeping, he got extremely defensive. 

It’s hard to fall asleep with Mark’s consistent tossing and turning, so eventually, he gives up trying, turning to face him instead. “Mark,” he calls out, knowing he was wide awake. He lets out a hum in response. Instead of responding, he inches closer to Mark, to where they were almost touching. He lets his arm sneak up around his waist, waiting to see how Mark would respond. 

He doesn’t, the steady rise and fall of his chest show no signs of him wanting to stop, so he lets his arm rest on Mark’s side. 

He should leave it there, they’ve broken too many boundaries for one night, but he wants to ask one more question. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” he says carefully. “You have insomnia, right?” He asks, feeling Mark take in a sharp breath at the word _insomnia._ It's silent for a few moments, making Donghyuck feel like maybe he took it a little too far. 

“Not tonight, Donghyuck,” Mark says, carefully taking Donghyuck’s arm and placing it back down by his side. It hurts, much like everything else that had happened that night, but he doesn’t let it get to him. 

“But some other night?” He asks hopefully. He was never good at knowing when to stop. 

“Some other night,” he confirms.


	2. Chapter 2

When he wakes up, he’s alone, like usual. 

An empty, Mark shaped space next to him. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed, the way things were colder in the absence of the older. 

After the previous night, he had no idea where they stood. Sure things were better now, but there was still a tension between the two of them. He had no idea what was allowed anymore, which should be the terrifying part.

But it isn’t. 

The scariest part is the feelings that have slowly crept up on him, but he’s just pushed down. The way his heart skips a beat and his stomach flutters and he can’t pretend it doesn’t happen anymore. How he pretends he doesn’t like Mark like  _ that.  _ But mostly the way he doesn’t want to pretend anymore. 

He shouldn’t have asked last night, he shouldn’t have brought it up, knowing that it would only make him more distant. But he’s too selfish, trying to involve himself in something that isn’t his business. Because as much as he wants to help, it really isn’t his place. 

As much as he wants Mark to feel the same, things never go his way. 

____

  
  


Studying for his physics test would be much easier if the  _ only  _ person he knew in his class was Jaemin, who had once managed to get a negative score on an exam. It doesn’t even make sense, yet he had somehow gotten his score back with a big -4 written on his paper in red, with a huge circle drawn around it for good measure. 

He had taken it to their professor, asking him if it was a mistake or not, to which he has told it was most definitely  _ not a mistake.  _ So as much as he doesn’t want to study with him, he didn’t really have anyone else. He could study by himself, but he knows that would only result in him getting distracted with the hopes his roommate will come save him from the black ink. Only he has a little dignity left, so he can’t let Mark help him  _ again.  _

Which is how he finds himself knocking on Jaemins door at midnight, after texting him if he wanted to study before their big final. When the door opens though, he’s met with someone with distinct, sharp facial features, yet soft eyes. 

“You’re not Jaemin,” Donghyuck states obviously. 

“No, I’m not,” the guy with the eye smile says, chuckling. “Let me go get him for you.” 

He returns a second later with Jaemin, who’s hair is damp, assumingly from just getting out of the shower. “Sorry, must’ve lost track of time.” 

He steps through the door, Jaemins roommate closing the door behind him. 

“I see you’ve met my roommate, Jeno,” Jaemin introduces as they walk towards the small table in their kitchen. 

Donghyuck can see what Jaemin meant, his roommate  _ is  _ cute, but he’s not sure how well he compares to his own. He gives Jeno a smile, who gives him one in return. 

“You’re Donghyuck right?” Jeno asks, in which he responds with a nod. Jaemin pulls a chair out, sitting at the table which his physics books are already laying on. Donghyuck follows, sitting down and pulling his books out of his backpack. 

“Mark talks a lot about you,” Jeno reveals. Donghyuck raises his eyebrows, focusing on setting his books down on the table in hopes of hiding how much the information had him taken aback. 

“Oh really? That's- that’s… nice,” He manages to say, earning a laugh from both Jeno  _ and  _ Jaemin. 

“You both are so clueless,” he laughs, walking down some hallway and disappearing behind some door. Jaemin is looking at him with knowing eyes, but doesn’t say anything, opting so start reading something out of some chapter in their book. 

What was he supposed to do with that information? How did Jeno even know? He briefly remembers Jaemin saying something about him also being on the basketball team, which he guesses would make a lot of sense. 

Jaemin clears his throat, an obvious attempt to get Donghyuck to start paying attention. But the one thing he was trying to avoid so he could focus on studying just seems to follow him everywhere. How was he going to concentrate now? He stares down at the book, and tries his best to follow along. 

(Spoiler alert: he fails his test.)

____ 

When Donghyuck returns back home, all the lights are off and it’s dead silent. Mark was usually home at this time, ever since his practices were moved earlier in the day. He supposes it is a little late, but he doubts Mark would be sleeping. To be honest he’s been worried lately... He never stopped being worried really. Worried about Mark passing out again, about him not getting enough sleep, about him somehow finding out about his feelings. 

But he hadn’t been so worried recently. Only because it was easier not to worry when Mark’s home when he falls asleep. He no longer had to watch him leave at night, and not be there in the morning. But when he thought about it, he couldn’t help but to be worried. He almost feels responsible, seeing Mark dragging himself around and doing nothing about it. Instead, he allows himself to wake up in his bed, not telling him to stop. 

“Mark?” He calls out into the darkness, hoping to get a response. He’s met with silence, his shoulders immediately deflating with disappointment. He’s reminded of the previous night, the way he had put his arms around Mark, breaking any boundaries they had unspokenly put in place. He’s reminded of the tingling he felt in his stomach, and the way the contact had made his skin  _ burn.  _ He was reminded that he wanted to do it again. 

But Mark didn’t feel the same. The word he had said to him earlier that night had proved that. The way he pushed Donghyuck’s arm down from his side, letting him stay out of pity had proven that. So as much as he was disappointed about Mark not being home, maybe it was better that way.

He enters their room for a change of clothes, swapping his jeans for a pair of much more comfortable shorts. Exiting the closet, he goes to lay on his mattress on the floor, when he realizes he hasn’t been alone. Someone is on Mark’s bed, hair poking out from the blankets. It takes him a moment to realize that it actually is Mark, and more surprisingly he’s  _ sleeping. _

Taking in Mark’s appearance, he’s so  _ cute  _ when he’s sleeping, hair going every direction, and the small rise and fall of his chest. But a closer look makes him realize that something is very wrong.

His face is contorted, eyes closed too tight, body tense, and eyebrows furrowed. It doesn’t look peaceful at all. In fact, he looked scared, a layer of sweat on his forehead. Mark starts tossing and turning, his knuckles going white from gripping the blanket so tight. He sets his hand on Mark’s side, shaking him lightly in order to wake him up.

“Mark? Wake up,” he says a little panicked, shaking him a little harder when he doesn’t get a response. It seems to make things worse, Mark’s hand coming up to grab the one shaking him awake. The grip tightens, Mark, letting out a whimper that stabs at his heart. 

“Please don’t go,” Mark hazily mumbles out, still deep in some nightmare. He lets Mark hold his hand painfully tight while he murmurs out more incoherent pleas and whines that all sound along the lines of  _ ‘please don’t leave me’ _ . Even with his eyes closed there are tears running down his face.

“Hey, you’re okay, I won’t leave. I’m right here,” Donghyuck reassures, bringing his other hand to join the other in holding Mark’s. His voice seemed to finally wake Mark up, his eyes shot open, eyes dazed and frantic, taking in his surroundings. The moment he see’s Donghyuck, he sits up, hands ripping out of his grasp as if it had hurt him to be touching him. 

“Mark,” he starts carefully. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Mark says too quickly, moving back away from Donghyuck. His voice is rough and deep, hoarse from just waking up. It’s not convincing, and he’s sure Mark knows that too. He can tell with the way Mark is looking at him, pleading him not to ask. He must know him too well.

“Are you sure? You didn’t look okay,” He asks, cautious not to push him too much. Mark can’t even look him in the eye, staring at his hands that are fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. He stiffens at his question but slightly shakes his head. “I’m fine. It was just a nightmare.”

“Nightmare?” Donghyuck asks, his tone laced with concern. “Is this why you-”

“Look I really don’t want to talk about this tonight okay?” Mark tiredly sighs, pulling the blankets off and getting out of bed. 

“ _ Some other night, not tonight, another time,”  _ Donghyuck mocks. “You always push it off. When are you actually going to tell me anything?” Mark sighs, running a stressed hand through his messy hair. 

“It just isn’t your business,” Mark says, pulling the blankets off and standing up out of bed. Donghyuck lets out a frustrated breath, watching as Mark gets up, trying to process all of what he just found out. He wishes Mark would stop pushing him away, let him help, let it also be his business, so he won’t have to deal with everything alone. But like the Mark he’s grown to know, he always takes the easy way out.

“Where are you going?” Donghyuck asks like he doesn’t know any better. Like he hasn’t asked this question so many times he’s lost count. Mark puts on his shoes and grabs his keys, something he’d seen too many times these past few weeks. 

“Don’t worry about me, I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyways. Just get some rest okay?” Mark says, walking out the door too fast for Donghyuck to try and stop him. Soon the door closes and the familiar feeling of being left alone returns. It hurts that Mark is so close yet so far. The way he’s in the next room over but thousands of miles away. The way that when he leaves he’s still the only thing on his mind. 

He knows, like Mark, he wouldn’t be able to sleep either, not with the knowledge he had just figured out. It made sense now, the reason why Mark didn’t want them to sleep in the same room. The way Mark never wanted to sleep in general. 

To think that Mark has probably suffered from this for a while, to the point where he wanted to stay awake to avoid them makes his heart hurt. It makes him feel guilty too, not thinking about what Mark was going through to make him act such a way. It makes him want to help, even if Mark doesn’t want him to. 

Staring back towards the door that Mark had just walked out of, he sighs, wondering if he should just talk to Mark about this later. But knowing Mark, he’ll say the same thing, he’ll push it off and never let him. His eyes are still glued to the door, his mind deciding what he should do. 

His feet decide for him, and the next thing he knows he’s walking out onto the street, following Mark’s figure down the road. The cold air makes the hair on his arms stand up, but that’s the last thing on his mind right now. The sky is cloudy, covering the stars and the moon, making it that much darker outside. 

Mark makes a turn, heading towards an empty basketball court by a park. There’s only one run down basketball hoop, illuminated by two lights on either side. As he draws closer, he sees Mark holding a basketball, one that he must have brought with him. He stops a safe distance from Mark, watching as he starts to dribble the ball around the courts.

He’s seen Mark play before, he’d gone to a game or two in high school, but he’s never seen him play this close. The control he has over the ball, the way his feet move across the court, the way his hair is sticking to his forehead. It makes him remember the Mark he knew in high school, the good boy, popular, basketball captain Mark that got good grades and every girl in school. 

He’s glad he never met that Mark, because he likes this one much better. The one that practiced too hard and studied too much, the one that never got enough sleep, that always said the wrong thing but always tried to fix it. The one that’s not the ‘perfect’ Mark everyone thought about in high school, but the  _ real  _ Mark. Who made mistakes, who had flaws, who was  _ human. _

Looking at Mark, the breeze ruffling his hair and subtle flush on his cheeks due to the exertion, he’s not that scared anymore. He’s just like everyone else. Mark has a problem and like everyone else, he should have someone there for him. So even if he doesn’t want him to be there, he should at least know that it’s what he deserves. He doesn’t need to be alone like this. 

That gives him the courage to move, walking closer to the courts. Mark hasn’t noticed him, going to throw another basket. He misses, and the ball bounces back, rolling straight towards Donghyuck. He leans down to pick up the ball, and once he stands back up, Mark is looking straight at him, wide eyed. 

Instead of handing the ball back, he pushes past him, running up to the hoop for a layup. It goes in, the sound of the ball dropping from the net cutting throws the emptiness. Mark’s still looking at him with wide eyes, head slightly tilted in confusion. He passes the ball to Mark, who catches it with two hands by his chest. 

“Are we going to play or not?” Donghyuck asks. Mark doesn’t move, just tilts his head, like he can’t believe he’s here. He’d figured the last thing Mark wanted to do was talk about things, so why not play a game? Have some fun and take his mind off of the nightmare he had just had. 

“Donghyuck what are you doing here?” He asks in response, moving the ball down so it’s held loosely between his hand and the side of his leg, no intention to play. 

“You’re here to play, I’m here to play,” Donghyuck states simply. “So let’s play.” 

Mark still looks hesitant, looking at him like he’s trying to figure out if he’s being serious or not. “It’s late, you should be asleep.” 

Donghyuck laughs at that since he was thinking the same thing. But he knew both of them wouldn’t be able to anyways. “I could say the same thing about you.” 

“Yeah but,” Mark starts, but stops like he can’t find the right words. “I- I… You would be able to go to sleep. You know I have,  _ you know, ni- _ ” 

Donghyuck takes a few steps closer, cutting him off. “You should really learn when to stop talking,” he says, taking the basketball out of his hands. 

He dribbles it a few times, backing up before saying, “You scared you’ll lose?” Mark scoffs at that but still makes no attempt to move.

“Maybe it’s better if we don’t play,” Donghyuck says smirking. “Wouldn’t want you to pass out again.” It’s a  _ really  _ low blow, but it seems to work as Mark comes towards him, stealing the ball from his grasp and shooting a basket. 

“I’m just worried you won’t be able to keep up,” Mark says when the ball goes cleanly into the net. 

“First to 5? Loser buys ice cream?” he suggests.

“It’s on.”

  
  
  


Mark’s already gained 4 points on him when he decides to try a little bit harder. It’s his ball and he starts playing a bit more aggressively, hitting Mark with his shoulder with more force than he was using before, which takes Mark by surprise. He loses his focus while guarding, letting Donghyuck push past him and make a basket. He turns around to give Mark a smug look, but he just shakes his head in response. 

“Oh, that’s how you want to play?” Mark says, grabbing the ball to start the next point. His eyes became sharper, demeanor changing into something more competitive. Donghyuck regrets his last move a little bit, trying not to show just how intimidated he was starting to feel by Mark’s change in attitude. 

The point starts off pretty normally, with Donghyuck blocking Mark as best as he can. Soon though, Mark makes a move to get around his left side, and the moment he tries to guard him, Mark’s turning around, making it easily past his right side, scoring another basket. Now it’s Mark’s turn to look smug, fetching the ball and passing it hard to Donghyuck's chest. 

“One more point and I win,” he says, getting ready to defend. Donghyuck starts to dribble the ball, turning around to avoid Mark stealing the ball. Mark’s too fast though, knocking the ball out of his hands, but also knocking Donghyuck out of balance in the process. He starts to fall down, but not before grabbing Mark, pulling him down with him. 

Mark lands right on top of him, his face centimeters away from his own. He’s hyper aware of their position, the way Mark’s whole body is against his own, which makes his face heat up. Mark hurriedly got off of him, his own cheeks flushed a deep red. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Mark says, holding his hand out to help him up. “Ice cream is on you though.”

“That’s fair,” Donghyuck chuckles out, holding onto Mark’s hand as he stands up. He figures treating them both to ice cream would be the least he could do after dragging them both down to the ground. He’s also playing against the basketball captain, he was bound to lose from the beginning. 

They both start walking across the street to the convenience store, picking up two ice cream bars and sitting outside as they eat them. As they both sit down at one of the tables outside, Donghyuck has to stop himself from bringing up Mark’s nightmares.

As much as he wants to, right now isn’t the time to talk about it. As much as he hates it, Mark is right, and it’s really not his business. Even if he shouldn’t have to deal with it alone, it’s his choice if he wants to talk about it or not. When Mark wants to talk about it, he’ll be there to listen. So for right now, they eat their ice cream in a comfortable silence. 

“So, is this where you go at night?” Donghyuck asks, trying to keep his voice casual and as far from accusatory as he can. 

“Yeah.”

Donghyuck decides to drop it at that, humming and giving a little nod before letting the silence engulf them again. 

“Are you not going to ask?” Mark says when he’s already halfway done with his ice cream. 

“About what?” Donghyuck asks, licking some melting ice cream off of his hand. 

Mark hesitates. “About my nightmares?” 

“Do you want me to ask?” 

“Not really.”

“Then I won’t,” Donghyuck states matter of factly. Mark nods, though he doesn’t look like he completely believes that. They finish the rest of their ice cream in silence, enjoying the slight breeze and each other's company. 

“You know, I didn’t really like you in high school,” he says to make conversation as they throw away the trash and start to make their way back home. It’s ironic how much things have changed since then, but Mark didn’t need to know that. 

“Really? But we didn’t even know each other,” Mark questions, kicking a rock down the sidewalk as they continue on. 

“It felt like I did, you were the talk of the school,” Donghyuck chuckles. “You probably still are.” 

“I’m sure it wasn’t to that extent,” Mark says but laughs along with him. How wrong Mark was, because he feels like he’s  _ underplaying  _ it a little. 

“It most definitely was,” he counters. “All I heard in high school was how hot you were, how smart you were, how everyone had a crush on you,” he says, cringing at the recount of the memories. Part of him comes to the realization that he probably did like Mark back then too, he might’ve been jealous of all the people that talked about him. Renjun probably knew about that even before he did. 

Mark responds like he had just read Donghyuck’s mind. “What about you?” He asks. “Did you have a crush on me too?”

He tries to laugh it off, but even to him, it sounds a bit forced. “Didn’t I just say I didn’t like you? What makes you think I would have a crush on you?” He asks, a bit too defensive. 

“I don’t know,” Mark shrugs. “All I’m hearing is you didn’t like people talking about liking me,” He teases, eyebrows wiggling suggestively. 

“Why? Do you want me to have liked you?” Dongyuck asks, half joking half actually curious. 

“Do you want me to have liked you liking me?” Mark laughs, but Donghyuck can hear the  genuineness in the question. 

“I don't know,” Donghyuck says, replicating what Mark had said. “All I’m hearing is you like the thought that I might have liked you.”

They both chuckle, and Donghyuck finds himself smiling wider than he ever has before. It’s so  _ comfortable  _ talking with Mark like this, like they’ve known each other forever. And maybe also borderline flirting, but Donghyuck can’t tell anymore. 

All he knows is that he wants to slow down time, walking down the empty streets like this for as long as possible. He thinks Mark doesn’t mind, the way his feet are walking just as slow as his own. 

“Well did you?” Mark asks after a while. 

“I don’t know,” Donghyuck shrugs. “Maybe you weren’t all that bad.”

It’s a lie, but Mark doesn’t know that. 

“ _ Not all that bad?  _ That’s it?” Mark asks incredulously, grabbing his chest in fake hurt. 

“What do you want me to say?  _ You were so hot, wow you had abs, you were so smart.”  _ Donghyuck mocks, expecting Mark to laugh and deny it, but instead he looks over to see him with a stupid smile on his face. “You enjoyed that didn’t you?” He asks, rolling his eyes at Mark’s ridiculousness. 

“Only because you said it,” He responds, making Donghyuck stop walking. Mark turns around to give him a look before stopping with him. “What?” Mark says unsure, stuffing his hands in his pocket and casting his eyes down to watch his feet. 

“You’re just so confusing,” Donghyuck says after thinking about how to explain it. 

There are so many mixed signals he’s been getting from Mark. First, he’s leaving their apartment with no explanation or saying something less than kind, and the next he’s saying cheesy things that make Donghyuck think that maybe they could be more than they are. Mark is just so confusing. 

“What do you mean?” Mark asks curiously. 

“I guess it’s nothing,” he dismisses, starting to walk down the street again. He hopes Mark will drop it, not wanting to explain how he truly felt about him. It was wishful thinking though. 

“Wait,” Mark says, grabbing his hand, stopping him from going any further. “Tell me.”

“I just never know if what you say is what you mean,” Donghyuck decides to say after a moment. One minute he’s saying one thing, but his actions lead him to believe he means something else. He’s mean and then he’s nice and he doesn’t know which is what he should believe. 

“I guess I was really never good with words,” Mark chuckles, turning to look at Donghyuck. There’s something behind his eyes, behind just the normal tired, sleep deprived eyes. He can’t put his finger on it, but the way he’s looking at him makes him feel a little shy. 

“Maybe this will help,” Mark says, pulling his hand towards him so Donghyuck takes a few steps closer. Before he can ask what Mark’s doing, he’s leaning in close and pressing his lips against his cheek. 

It’s gone as quick as it came, Mark’s pulling away and continuing down the street leaving Donghyuck standing shocked. Of all the confusing things Mark has done, he’s pretty sure this is number one. He’s not sure how it was supposed to help though. 

Since he’s pretty sure that just made things worse. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


____

  
  
  


Turns out he was right.

Like usual, Mark is nowhere to be seen the next morning. In fact, he’s nowhere to be seen for the next  _ week.  _ Of course he runs into him around their dorm, but Mark will leave telling him he needs to go to the library, or practice, or class. He always has some excuse. 

He doesn’t want to admit it, but it kind of feels like he’s been lead on. Like he’s toying with his emotions but doesn’t realize it. Maybe it’s hard since Mark doesn’t seem to know what he wants. How can Donghyuck figure it out if Mark can’t in the first place? 

Even if Mark is somehow still oblivious to what he thought were his pretty obvious feelings, he doesn’t think that he deserves this. In fact, he wants to ask Mark what he meant, what him kissing him on the cheek was supposed to signify. But Mark doesn’t even give him the chance. 

↜

(Donghyuck is sitting at the living room table when Mark finally comes home that night. After what had happened he had just been even more confused than he was before. Especially because of the older behavior afterward. They had come home and Donghyuck had gone to sleep on the couch, and woken up on Mark’s bed like most nights. 

Everything was just like how it was. 

Maybe that’s why Donghyuck feels like somethings wrong. He was sure after the previous night  _ something  _ had changed, he sure felt it. Maybe it was just him, maybe Mark didn’t mean anything by it. Maybe everything was still the same. 

His eyes are drawn away from the homework he had been staring at for so long he lost track of time when Mark walks through the front door. It’s the first time he’s seeing Mark after the whole thing, and he can’t decide if they’re still okay, if something has changed or not. 

“Hey Mark,” Donghyuck calls out, seemingly having startled the other. 

“Oh umm… hey,” Mark says, throwing his keys on the counter and opening the fridge to look for something to eat. “I didn’t see you there.”

Mark ends up closing the fridge, grabbing an apple instead, going to make his way back to his room. Like nothing has changed. 

“Hey do you think you could help me with this?” Donghyuck asks carefully, feeling pretty vulnerable imposing the question. Mark looks conflicted for a second, eyes going between his bedroom door and where Donghyuck was currently sitting.

“Uhhhh,” Mark says, his hand running through his hair. “I’m pretty busy actually,” he says, looking like he wants to run behind the security of his own bedroom door. 

Dongyuck tries not to show how disappointed he feels by the decisions, deciding to nod it off, and return his attention to stare at his paper. It still doesn’t feel right, he doesn’t want to let it go here. “Do you want me to order dinner? There’s a new place down the street that delivers,” he asks hopefully. 

“I- I’m not really hungry,” Mark says, looking at the floor the entire time. He can tell it’s a lie, yet it brings a whole new clarity to the situation at hand. Because as much as he doesn’t know where they stand, if there’s one thing he found out, it's that he’s most definitely wrong. 

Everything has changed.)

  
  


He tries, he  _ really  _ tries to make sure it doesn’t show how much Mark avoiding him has affected him, but it hurts and he’s taking it maybe a little too hard. So trying to hide it from everyone maybe wasn’t the most full proof plan he’s had. 

“We,” Renjun had said that week, coming up from behind to sit with him at a table outside of the cafeteria. “Are going to a party tonight and you have no choice,” 

“Who’s we?” Donghyuck had asked, not even looking up as Renjun took a seat next to him. 

“Jaemin, Jisung, and Chenle,” Renjun had responded, setting his sandwich and coffee down on the table.

“Aren’t they like 12? Why are they coming?” Hyuck said, knowing it was a little bit of an exaggeration, but still, he’s known them since they were in middle school, and ever since then they will remain twelve in his mind for pretty much ever. 

“They’re both 18 but I see your point,” Renjun snorted. As much as Donghyuck would like to go to a party to drink and forget about his problems for a night, staying at home and crying on the couch for some reason sounds much more appealing. 

“Do I really have to go?” He had asked, knowing when Renjun wanted something, there was no arguing with him. He could at least try. 

“Yes,” Renjun said curtly. “You need to stop moping about Mark, I’m sick of seeing you stare off looking like someone just kicked your dog.”

“I’m not moping,” Donghyuck said, but even he didn’t believe himself. “Nothing happened with Mark,” he tries, hoping Renjun won’t push it any farther. Instead, he just rolls his eyes. 

“I don’t know why you’re trying anymore,” He shakes his head. “Look it will be good for you to get out, meet someone new, get your mind off of things.” 

“Fine, I’ll come,” Donghyuck gives up, knowing he couldn’t win this one even if he tried. 

“Not like you had a choice, but if it makes you feel better to think you did,” Renjun shrugs, picking up his food and walking away, leaving Donghyuck to add one more thing to overthink.

_____

  
  


“Okay so I might’ve not told you that Mark  _ might  _ be here tonight,” Renjun says the moment he steps foot into the house. Jaemin is already leaving them the second he sees Jeno, and Jisung and Chenle are off doing whatever it is the two of them do. The bright lights, loud music, and clustered people already made him want to turn around and walk right back out the door they just stepped through, now he knew Mark was going to be here, he decided to do just that. 

Renjun grabs his shirt before walking away, pulling him back next to his side. “Listen I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but maybe you could at least  _ try  _ and talk to him. You  _ just  _ got here though, so maybe try and enjoy it before you try to run away from your problems. Plus I thought he was the one avoiding you? Why are you avoiding him?” Renjun asks, not letting go of Donghyuck. 

“Yeah well, I guess being avoided by the guy you like after he kisses you on the cheek isn’t exactly a good thing,” Donghyuck shrugs.

“Wait,  _ what? _ ” 

He takes advantage of the fact that Renjun momentarily lets go of his shirt out of shock, and walks in front of him towards the kitchen. More importantly towards the drinks, taking a cup and filling it with some drink they had on the table, and drinking it all in one go. 

It definitely wasn’t a good idea, as it  _ burns  _ his throat, knowing that a few more of these and forgetting about Mark will be a lot easier than he thought it would be. 

“Donghyuck,” Renjun says worriedly. He knows Renjuns concerned, that he wants to help, but he was brought here to forget about his problems, to drink and not worry about Mark, which is exactly what he was trying to do. “Look if you want to leave…” 

“Renjun,” Donghyuck interrupts, refilling his cup with the questionable punch. 

“I came here to  _ not  _ talk about Mark. I came here to forget and that’s exactly what I plan to do,” He says before taking another sip, already feeling the effects of the alcohol, walking away to lose himself in the crowd of people. 

  
  


**___**

He gets lost in the party for a while, the alcohol making all of it slightly more bearable and doing a good job keeping his mind off of a certain someone. He goes and talks to some friends, even saying hi to Jeno and Jaemin. Eventually, it just becomes too much, the pounding music and smoky, hazy air. 

He wonders his way up the stairs, seeing a door leading to a balcony. He decides it's a perfect opportunity to get out, take a break from everything for a second. 

When he opens the door, he’s met with a breath of fresh air, already feeling his headache settle a little bit. His head is clearing and everything seems a little less clouded. That being said, he somehow misses the figure that had already been standing on the balcony. He thinks it should be fine, it wasn’t like they both couldn’t be out here, there’s just one problem.

That figure turns out to be Mark. 

“Oh, sorry,” Donghyuck mutters, turning around to go back into the sea of people. 

“It’s fine, you can stay out here,” Mark says before he can leave. Donghyuck looks at him unsure, deciding if going back into the party is better than staying out here. He figured like always, Renjun was probably right, he shouldn’t keep running from his problems. So he walks over to the railing, leaning his arms against it, joining Mark in staring out over the thousands of tiny lights outlining the city. 

They stand in silence, staring out to the distance, not addressing the tension between them. It’s awkward and uncomfortable, the only thing filling the silence is the low base from the music inside, that that you can feel in your chest more than you can hear. 

“I’m sorry,” Mark says after a few more minutes. 

“It’s okay,” Donghyuck says like it’s a reflex. What else is he supposed to say? What else  _ could  _ he say to make things better? 

“It’s really not,” Mark sighs, taking his arms off the railing and leaning his back against it instead. “I’m sorry for ignoring you, you didn’t deserve that.” 

Yeah, he didn’t deserve that. And now he had so many questions he knew Mark wouldn’t want to answer. 

“Why did you?” 

“I just- I needed time to think,” Mark decides to say, sounding like he isn’t sure with his answer. 

“Is this about your nightmares _?” _ Donghyuck asks, knowing that Mark wouldn’t bring it up himself. 

“I- I… guess.”

“It’s just no one’s ever known, and you found out and i guess I’m just… embarrassed? I’m just used to dealing with things by myself,” Mark says, taking Donghyuck by surprise. He never would’ve thought Mark would be too embarrassed to tell him, much less that he was  _ used  _ to dealing with things by himself. 

“Is that why you wanted me to move out?” 

“Yeah well, I don’t like sleeping in the same room as people, I didn’t want you to see. I didn’t want to disrupt your sleep, but I guess I did that anyway,” Mark chuckles, but it sounds sadder than anything. “Sorry about that.” 

“It’s really okay Mark, things are different,” Donghyuck tells him, not sure what he himself means, but it’s true, things are different now. When he had first moved in Mark had wanted nothing more than to move back out, but now, he can tell things have changed. 

The small gestures Mark has done like letting him sleep on his bed so he won’t have to sleep on the couch, helping him with his homework when he could be working on his own, staying next to him until he falls asleep because he knows Donghyuck won’t ask him to, that prove it. 

“Different how?” 

_ Because I really like you,  _ he thinks. 

__

_ Wait, did I just say that out loud?  _

“Yeah you did,” Mark says eyes wide, his lips slightly parted. The realization hits him like a train, and so does the regret. 

This is why Donghyuck doesn’t like to drink, he always says too much and ruins everything. He also knows he’s not nearly drunk enough to forget this in the morning, and Mark isn’t either. There’s still time to blame the alcohol and get wasted so he won’t have to deal with this tomorrow. 

“I don’t know what I’m saying,” he awkwardly laughs out, the embarrassment pooling in his stomach. He feels like he’s about to throw up. “I think I’m going to go.” 

He turns his back to the railing, looking back towards the glass sliding door, dim colored lights, and loud music waiting behind. With a headache– and now a heartache, all he wanted to do was go home and try to burn this moment out of his memory. 

Sliding the glass door open and about to step in, the door is pushed closed again. Mark had his hand on the door, seemingly closing it before he could step through. 

“Mark I-” 

“Can we stop doing this?” Mark asks desperately, hand leaving the door and returning to his side. Donghyuck tilts his head in confusion, not understanding what he was referring to. “Can we stop walking away before letting the other have a chance to talk.”

He wants to correct Mark since  _ he  _ was the one always walking away and  _ he  _ was the one who never let him talk. But he’s trying so Donghyuck lets it slide, even if the embarrassment was returning, the heat returning to his cheeks. 

“Well then hurry because this is really embarrassing and I don’t think I’m going to like your explanation,” he says, turning his head away to hide the flush on his face. 

Much to his discomfort, Mark doesn’t say anything, taking a few long strides until he was standing right in front of him. He can feel Mark’s eyes staring at him, making him writher under the unwanted attention. 

Mark reaches up with both of his hands grabbing both sides of his face, so he has no choice but to look at him. The action takes him by surprise, making his cheeks heat up even more. He tries to pull away, but Mark doesn’t let him, instead pulling his face even closer. He hates that Mark can make him feel so  _ shy.  _ “What are you-”

But Mark is leaning in closer, and all thoughts fly out of his head. All he can think of is Mark’s hands on his face, and the smell of alcohol on his breath. His mind racing with  _ Mark Mark Mark Mark,  _ as one of his hands, drops down to his chin, making him look up.

Mark’s movements stop, and he’s suddenly aware of the silence surrounding them. “Well, are you going to give me an explanation?” he whispers like if he speaks too loud something between them might break. 

“I don’t think I have one,” he whispers back. Donghyuck is about to ask him what he means, but Mark is leaning in even closer until he’s mere  _ centimeters  _ away. “Then what is this,” he gestures between them, hesitant of the answer he might get back. 

“What do you want it to be?” Mark’s eyes drop down to his lips and Donghyuck begins to  _ panic.  _ It feels a lot like flirting, it  _ is  _ flirting, and it’s way beyond the boundaries he’s used to. As far as he’s concerned Mark doesn’t like him back, so this is probably just the alcohol talking. 

“What do  _ you  _ want it to be?” He asks in retaliation. He knows exactly how he feels himself, wanting nothing more than to lean in and close the gap. 

“I asked you first,” Mark’s hands drop from his face, sliding down so his hands are on his waist. The touch is soft, his hands ghosting down until they stop on either side, so light it almost tickles. 

“I think you already know the answer,” Hyuck responds, bringing his own hands up to Mark’s shoulders, wrapping them around his neck. The tension is so thick around them, neither one daring to make the next move. 

“I want you to tell me,” Mark says in a hushed tone, even though they were the only ones out there. Donghyuck knows exactly what he wants him to say. 

“Kiss me.”

It doesn’t feel real when Mark’s lips press against his own. He’s daydreamed about this a couple of times but nothing can compare to the actual thing. It's soft and warm and so  _ Mark,  _ the way his hands become more firm on his waist, and the way he sighs into the kiss. 

Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long, Mark pulling away from the contact, causing Donghyuck to let out a whine. Mark walks them both backward until Donghyuck feels the cool glass door on his back, and soon enough Mark is back on his mouth. The kiss is deeper this time, less hesitation, and more confidence. The sounds Mark is making in the back of his throat is enough to drive Donghyuck crazy. He can’t help it when his hands trail up to find themselves in Mark’s hair, running his hands through it. 

The action makes Mark break the kiss, his head subconsciously tilting back. It leaves a part of his neck exposed, Donghyuck taking the opportunity to leave small kisses down to his collarbone, where he stops to suck on the skin. Mark sucks in a breath at the sudden movement, only encouraging Donghyuck to continue. 

“Donghyuck,” Mark interrupts. Donghyuck doesn’t want to break the moment so he lets out an annoyed hum as a response, not stopping the bruises he’s making on Mark’s neck. Mark’s hands move up to his shoulders, giving him a little push back. He’s disappointed, but tries to hide it, backing away and looking at Mark expectantly. 

“Not here,” Mark says, his voice low and full of some emotion that makes Donghyuck’s stomach flip. He’s ready for Mark to open the door and go back inside, never to bring up what happened again. As much as he wishes they could continue, he was stupid for thinking it would last long. Mark probably realized what a mistake this was.

“Let’s go home,” He says, taking Donghyuck by surprise. Mark presses another kiss to his lips before he grabs his wrist and drags him down the staircase, and out of the house. He leads them to his car, opening the door for Donghyuck before going around the front to get to the driver's seat and driving them both home.

The second they make it through their front door, Mark’s mouth is back on his. His back is pressed against the door that had just closed. They make their way through the hallway, pressing up against almost every surface to Mark’s room. 

Once they get to the bed, Mark gently pushes him over, causing the kiss to break, Donghyuck’s back landing on the blankets. Mark follows, landing not so graciously on top of him. Donghyuck feels hands sneaking up his side, and under his shirt. Mark’s hand continues up until his shirt is off, thrown to the side somewhere to be worried about later. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Donghyuck asks, since Mark  _ still  _ hasn’t really told him how he felt. He assumed it was a good sign that this was happening after he had told Mark that he liked him, but with all the back and forth he just wanted to be sure. 

“Why wouldn’t I?” 

“I don’t know, you don’t really tell me anything,” Donghyuck says as Mark continues to kiss down his neck. He knows it’s not the right time, but part of him knows he’ll regret it if he thinks all of this means something more than it is. 

“Donghyuck we’re in the middle of something right now, if this is about my nightmares you should just drop it,” Mark says, sucking a bruise by the base of his neck, probably in hopes of changing the subject back to what they had been doing. 

“Why do you always brush it off? What’s so wrong with letting me help?” Dongyuck asks, tired of always being in the dark, of having to guess and overthink what his intentions could be. All he wants is an  _ answer,  _ and this time, it wasn’t about his nightmares. It was about him not wanting Donghyuck there until he wanted something. He wanted to be there for Mark, but it felt like Mark didn’t want him to be. 

“Maybe I don’t want your help, Donghyuck. I don’t need you,” Mark says tiredly. And that’s the worst part; his voice is void of anger, frustration, or exasperation. Instead it’s tired and indifferent. He can’t blame the lack of sleep or irritability anymore. He’s not acting on his emotions anymore, and he can tell he really means every word. 

It’s unfair because he  _ knows _ Mark doesn’t need him. It shouldn’t hurt as much because this is what he expected, this is what he was trying to prove. It shouldn’t, but it does. Because somewhere along the way, Donghyuck started to need Mark. 

_ Importance  _

A subjective matter, but a telling sign. A way to know what someone prioritizes, to know what they find to be worth it and what they don’t. The feeling that you find someone more important than they find you to be. An uncertainty if you’re in over your head, or if you’re being taken for granted;

_ An Imbalance.  _

Donghyuck never understood the negative perception everyone had with the word. Most people believe that balancing is an end goal, to even the scale, to give and take. 

It’s treated like a goal you should obtain, to reach an equilibrium. But it’s not something you can keep, it’s something you pass through, a fleeting moment, a phase. There’s only so much time before one side falls out of balance again. 

“I really care about you, Mark. But if you don’t  _ need  _ it, maybe I just shouldn’t anymore.” Donghyuck says, picking his shirt up off the floor and putting it back on. Mark just watches with heavy eyes, showing no sign of arguing with him.

He feels Mark’s eyes burn through him as he puts on his shoes, the silence from him making Donghyuck’s blood boil. Out of all the times they’ve been in a situation like this, he finally wants to fight with him. He wants to yell and tell Mark he’s selfish, ask him if it’s really that awful to let him help. 

The way Mark is so indifferent speaks more volume than any words he could’ve said. It’s a preservation of energy, as to not use it on something like himself. A ‘you choose your own battles’ kind of situation, and Mak doesn’t think it’s worth fighting for. 

Looking at him from the bed he’s woken up countless times on, his face void of emotion. What did he do it all for? Why would Mark be so nice to him the past couple of weeks and then toss him aside like he couldn’t care less? 

“You could’ve just told me, you know? On the balcony,” He says, glancing behind him after he turns around to leave. Mark doesn’t respond, but looks at him in the eyes to show he’s listening. 

It would’ve made it so much easier. He wouldn’t have gotten his hopes up, maybe he would’ve left it alone, given up. He might’ve accepted that things would never work out. But Mark’s lips pressed against his own made him feel like it would. 

“You could’ve told me I was just wasting my time.” 

Now all that hope, all that want, all that  _ need, _ is now becoming a fading feeling, riddled with hurt and regret. Because Mark had taken everything and now he has nothing left to give. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is really dialogue heavy and i can’t decide if i like it or not….  
> anyways this took me so long? This chapter was for some reason a struggle. i hope the next chapter will come out a little sooner, maybe next week or the week after? 
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, all of this was written at 3 am haha. thanks for sticking with this and to everyone who has left kudos or a comment <3
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/kaikoko)


	3. Chapter 3

It's funny how fast things have changed, how the roles have reversed. Maybe that's why he feels a little bad at the fact that  _ he  _ was the one now avoiding Mark, since he knows how it feels. 

But Mark doesn't  _ need  _ him, or want him at this point, so he doesn't really feel too bad when he doesn't come home very much anymore. 

At first it was hard, staying away from the actual place that you live, but it had gotten easier. Especially since their first midterms had started, which meant he could stay at the library super late and for an unnecessary amount of time without it being socially unacceptable. 

Maybe it was a good thing, avoiding Mark, since his grades are finally going up with how much studying he's been doing. It's funny how productive we can be when we're avoiding something else. 

Of course it isn't easy, especially when he has to see Mark when he gets home, sunken, out of focus eyes. He pushes away the guilty feeling, knowing that Mark was the one to push him away first. 

They haven't talked though, Donghyuck has made sure of that. Every time Mark looks like he wants to say something he leaves before he even gets the chance. But he can't avoid him forever, as much as he wants too. He knows that eventually Mark would confront him. 

He just didn't expect it to turn out like it did. 

  
  


________

  
  


Donghyuck finally decides to leave the library, the sun already set and scarcity of other people encouraging him to close his textbooks. The second he takes his eyes off the small fine print he realizes how tired his eyes are and the slight ache in the back of his head. 

He takes the long way back to the dorm, taking his time strolling through the familiar path like he does almost every night. It's his way of avoiding going back to his dorm for as long as he can, assuring himself Mark will be asleep by the time he gets back. 

And like every night, he expects the lights off and the door to Mark's room to be closed, leaving him the couch to sleep on. Except that's not the case tonight, and when he opens the door the lights are on, and he's met with a startled Mark sitting on the couch. 

He regains his composure soon after, turning his attention to the show playing on tv. Normally Donghyuck wouldn't spare him a second glance, but he really wants to sleep and Mark is currently sitting on what he calls his bed. “Mark can you move?” 

Mark looks at him with wide eyes and raised eyebrows as Donghyuck hasn't talked to him since  _ that night. _

“You shouldn't sleep out here,” Mark tells him with the deep and tired voice he hates to admit he misses. Donghyuck ignores the thoughts creeping into the back of his mind, the ones trying to convince him to forgive him. 

“Where would I sleep then?” Donghyuck asks hostilely. 

“Can't you just sleep on the blowup mattress?” 

Donghyuck scoffs at the question. Why does Mark care? Donghyuck knows that even if he went to sleep on the mattress Mark would just leave. And as much as he wants to think that he also doesn't care, he does, and he doesn't want to be the reason Mark isn't getting sleep.  _ Again.  _

“Just for you to leave? Don't worry about me, just go to sleep,” Donghyuck dismisses, but frowns that Mark still hasn't moved from the couch. 

“I won't leave, just don't sleep out here anymore.” He knows Mark has no intention of letting it go. He can be really stubborn when he wants to be. So Donghyuck begrudgingly agrees, walking to the room and throwing himself onto the mattress on the floor. 

Mark follows behind, turning off the light as he walks through the door. He lays staring up at the ceiling, listening to Mark climb into his own bed. He tries to close his eyes and go to sleep, but he can't, feeling wide awake. Mark must feel the same because he can hear him shuffling every few minutes. 

He feels like he's to blame, yet again keeping Mark from sleeping. He continues to stare into the darkness, telling himself he should get up and just sleep somewhere else. It takes a while to try and convince himself, but soon enough he's about to get up and leave. 

Mark seems to beat him to it though, as he can hear the blankets being tossed aside and Mark getting out of bed. So much for  _ “I won't leave,”  _ he thinks, rolling his eyes. 

However the door never opens, and the footsteps never leave. Instead the bed dips, Mark slipping under the covers. Donghyuck is frozen in confusion, shock, maybe even a little bit of anger, not knowing what to do with himself. 

After everything that Mark has said, he shouldn’t be able to lay next to him and think that will make things better. 

“What are you doing?” He whispers just loud enough for the other to hear.

“I don’t know,” Mark says nervously after a pause, a hesitant arm snaking around Donghyuck’s waist. 

“You can't just do this Mark,” Donghyuck says but doesn’t make an attempt to push him away. He knows he shouldn’t let him do this, not after what he said, not after kissing him just to be tossed aside like it didn’t matter. He shouldn’t be allowed to come back like this when he wanted to.

“Not when you kissed me and then ignored me. Not when we kissed  _ again  _ just for you to say you don’t need me,” Donghyuck asks, tired of getting his hopes up. “Can’t you make up your mind?” 

It’s like someone pushing you over, and helping you back up, only to push you  _ again,  _ but even harder. It’s a little shred of hope that was given to him after he was turned down, only for that little shred of hope to be ripped away when he was turned down  _ for a second time. _

He guesses it’s his fault, for letting it happen twice. He should’ve seen it coming, he should’ve known after Mark had ignored him for a well. He should’ve known when he confessed and Mark just turned him down again. 

He should know now, with Mark here, lying next to him, with an arm around his waist, like it’s okay. 

He should know. 

“I’m sorry,” Mark whispers weakly. Donghyuck laughs at the attempt of an apology, that the only thing he could say was a meak  _ sorry.  _ This was way past apologizing, because no words Mark could say would make him believe him anymore. 

“Yeah well apology not accepted,” Donghyuck said bitterly, but still made no attempt to move away. He hates the effect Mark has on him, the way after everything he still wants him more than anything, even if it’ll only hurt him in the end. 

He hates that after everything, Mark’s apology means nothing, because deep down he already forgiven him.

“You scare me you know,” Mark confesses. He doesn’t really believe him, as his arm wraps around him a little tighter, like he’s trying to keep him from disappearing. 

“I scare you?” Donghyuck asks, curious. 

“I’ve never had trouble understanding anything, but I just don’t get you. Things are just so different and it scares me.” Mark says, the nervousness and uncertainty more apparent. 

Donghyuck thinks it’s funny because he can’t understand Mark at all either. He’s so hot and cold, it’s confusing and at this point just getting frustrating. He rather have Mark just reject him than continuing whatever this, on and off thing they’ve got going on. 

“I don’t get you either Mark. You have an explanation for everything but what we are. Friends don’t  _ kiss,  _ Mark. We both know something is going on, so why are things so hard to understand?” Donghyuck sighs, finally talking himself into grabbing Mark’s arm and removing it from his waist, just like Mark had done not so long ago. It should feel like Mark deserves it, because he does, yet it just leaves Donghyuck feeling sadder and colder. 

Mark takes in a breath, turning so he’s facing the ceiling, staring up at the wall. Donghyuck stays on his side, back facing Mark, knowing he can’t deal with looking at the older. If he does he might start feeling things he’ll just regret again later on. They lay like that for a while, next to each other, so close yet the most distant they’ve ever been. Donghyuck waits for an answer, but after a while he gives up thinking he’ll get one. 

“My parents died when I was 12,” Mark says out of nowhere. “We were driving home from my first basketball game. We won that night and I’ve never seen them look so proud.” 

“Mark you don’t have to-” 

“I asked them if we could stop and get ice cream. You know it’s funny because I don’t even like ice cream, I just wanted to celebrate with them. On the way there some drunk driver ran a red light and hit the car straight on the side. The car flipped but I was fine, I got out of the car and tried to help my parents and-” Mark says, his voice cutting out before he can continue.

Donghyuck decides to turn to lay on his back, taking Mark’s hand in his own, giving it a squeeze as his way of telling him he can continue if he wants to. He takes a shuddered breath, hand slightly squeezing back. 

“I tried to save them but I couldn’t,” he manages to get out. “If only I hadn’t asked, maybe the accident wouldn’t have happened. I know that I was so young, I couldn’t have known, but I still feel like it’s my fault,” Mark finishes, letting go of Donghyuck’s hand to wipe away the few stray tears. 

“After that moment I started to get these nightmares, like reliving it every time I close my eyes. And when people are in the room it makes things worse because I’m scared they'll find out. I’ve never told anyone about it before. I don’t want to become a burden that people feel like they have to take care of. I can take care of myself,” Mark says determinedly, like he’s trying to convince the both of them. 

“You’re not a burden Mark. I just… I care about you. I want to make sure you’re okay. Thanks for telling me. I’m sorry if I put the pressure on you to tell me, that wasn’t really fair,” Donghyuck responds, raising his own hand to wipe the rest of the tears off of Mark’s face. 

They stay like that for a while, both staring at the ceiling, not sure of what to do next. As time goes by, Donghyuck gets more and more tired, eyes struggling to stay open. “Do you want me to leave?” Donghyuck asks, sitting up and gesturing towards the living room couch.

“No, stay,” Mark says, shaking his head. 

Donghyuck lays back down, wondering if Mark is going to get up and go back to his own bed. Instead they both stay on the ridiculously small blow up mattress for their size, laying shoulder to shoulder. “Are you going to go back to your bed?” Donghyuck asks as he gets closer and closer to falling asleep.

“Is it bad if I don’t want to?” Mark asks, turning around so he’s facing Donghyuck. As nice as it sounds, the mattress really isn’t big enough for both of them. He tries not to dwell on the implication.

“Normally no, but I think we’d both regret sleeping on this tiny mattress,” Donghyuck chuckles out, gesturing to the little amount of space between them. 

“Okay, maybe you’re right,” Mark says, pulling the covers off and standing up. He ends up pulling the covers off of both of them, the unwelcomed cold air surrounding Donghyuck. He goes to reach for the blanket, but Mark’s hand is stretched out in front of him, expectant and inviting. 

“Ummm,” Donghyuck says, not sure what Mark expected him to do. 

“Look, for some reason I really don’t want to sleep alone right now. I know that you’re probably still mad at me, so you don’t have to,” Mark says, taking his hand back and returning to his own bed. Donghyuck just stares at the empty spot where Mark was just sitting, wondering if Mark had really just asked to sleep in the same bed as him. 

He also starts to register that Mark thinks he’s mad at him. And while he should be, he’s not. Maybe that’s why after a while of staring into the darkness, he pulls the blankets off once again and climbs into the bed next to Mark. 

The bed starts to shift, Mark turning on his side towards Donghyuck, whose eyes are glued to the ceiling. “I’m sorry,” Mark says quietly.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you, I’m sorry for what I said. I just... everything was too much and I wanted to tell you everything but I didn’t want you to think less of me. I wanted to prove I could take care of myself. I didn’t want you walking on eggshells around me,” Mark explains. 

“I don’t regret it though,” he adds on. “Kissing you, I mean.” 

Donghyuck turns on his side to look back at Mark, now both facing each other. He wants so bad to be mad at Mark, to not let him mess with his feelings again. But habits are hard to break. It’s almost like an addiction, like Mark is some sort of drug. Because the high is high, but when things go back to the way they were, the lows are _ lows _ . And you would do anything to feel that euphoria again, even if you drop 10 times lower than you inevitably will. 

“Is it bad if I want to do it again?” Mark asks.

Maybe that’s why he shakes his head, even though part of him thinks it is. Because to be honest, he is scared that after this, things will change again. He's scared Mark will ignore him again, reject him, or something will just go wrong. But with Mark’s gleaming eyes and lip in between his teeth in uncertainty, he can’t say no. 

He’s not ready when Mark sits up a little, moving his hand to rest it on Donghyuck’s cheek, his face coming closer and closer. His thumb moves down to his bottom lip, parting it before he closes the space between them. It’s different this time, when their lips meet. It’s not rushed and heated, but slow like they have all the time in the world. It’s soft and delicate and Donghyuck never wants it to end. 

But then Mark pulls back, giving him one more quick kiss. “We should go to sleep, you look tired,” he says, but his shoulder stays pressed up against his side. He pulls the blankets up to his shoulders, laying his head back down on the pillow. 

Donghyuck hums in agreement, shifting around to get more comfortable. He settles on his back, once again staring up at the ceiling. “Things will be like this tomorrow, right?” Donghyuck asks, unsure. 

There’s still so many unanswered questions, so much he’s uncertain about. Does Mark like him? What’s allowed now? Are they just friends that happen to kiss sometimes? Even with all the unknowns, for now he just hopes this can last a little bit longer, even if it’s one day. 

“Things will be the same,” Mark says, turning on his side to lay his head on his chest, his arm wrapping around his waist, pulling him in closer. 

This time, it stays there. 

  
  


_________

  
  


Donghyuck wakes up the most rested he’s felt in  _ weeks.  _ Judging from the amount of light in the room he can tell it’s pretty early, so he won’t be late for his class. He grabs his phone, seeing it’s 7 am, meaning his alarm should’ve gone off by now. He goes to get out of bed, but he finds he’s tangled in arms around his waist and legs thrown over his own. 

He’s never seen Mark sleep this peacefully, the rise and fall of his chest and the strong grip he has on Donghyuck makes his mind scream  _ cute.  _ That and  _ I really want to kiss him, _ which is when he remembers last night, and the fact that he might be allowed to. But his movement must wake Mark up, as he starts shifting. His eyes flutter open, squinting to adjust to the light as his fists come up to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

“You’re up already?” Mark asks, deep voice layered with sleep. 

“Yeah, I don’t want to be late for class,” Donghyuck says, his own voice groggy from just waking up as well. He tries to escape from Mark’s arms, but they won’t budge. He tries again, but Mark still won’t let him get up. After a few tries he gives up, laying back down with a sigh. 

“Do you want me to be late?” Donghyuck asks, exasperated. At this point, he had about 20 minutes to get ready  _ and  _ get to school. To be honest, he’s not sure why Mark isn’t already gone, like he usually is. Now they’re  _ both  _ going to be late. 

Mark just laughs, still not letting up on the grip he has around his waist. “Trust me, you won’t be late,” Mark says with a smile, putting his head on Donghyuck's shoulder. He considers just skipping class, laying here with Mark for a little while longer, but being behind in a class is a sure way to fail. 

“Mark, it’s already 7:10,” he sighs out, trying again to sit up, only to be pulled right back down. 

“Last time I checked, you don’t have classes on Sundays,” Mark says as Donghyuck is struggling again to get up. Instant relief washes over him when he realizes that it is, in fact Sunday, as he lies back down, closing his eyes again. 

“Unless you want to get up,” Mark teases, untangling himself from Donghyuck, and turning away so he’s facing his back. The absence of Mark pressed up against him makes him too cold to go back to sleep, and also  _ maybe _ makes him disappointed. Donghyuck turns to face Mark, inching closer until his chest is pressed up against Mark's back. 

“No,” Donghyuck whines into the back of his neck. Mark turns around, coming face to fact with Donghyuck, so close that their foreheads are touching. The sudden proximity makes Donghyuck a little nervous, so he scoots back. Mark chuckles at the movement, inching himself forward until they’re right back into the same position. Only Mark doesn’t stop there, continuing until his lips are pressed lightly against Donghyuck’s. 

“Let’s go back to sleep then,” Mark says, pulling slightly back, his arms trapping him in his embrace once again. Mark closes his eyes, and after a few minutes Donghyuck is pretty sure he’s sleeping again. 

His heart feels like it’s beating through his chest, the feeling of Mark’s lips lingering on his own. It didn’t last long enough, and he can’t get his mind off of the soft pressure that was gone too fast. He leans down to place a gentle kiss on his lips, before setting his head back on the pillow, letting out a content sigh and closing his eyes again. 

_______

  
  


When Donghyuck wakes up again, it’s a lot later in the day, sun in the middle of the sky flooding the room. Mark is still laying next to him, still in a deep sleep. It’s one of the only times he’s seen him peacefully sleeping, void of nightmares. He decides it would be better to let him sleep, so he carefully untangles himself from Mark, and the blankets, making his way to the kitchen.

They usually cook for themselves, well, at least Donghyuck does. Mark can’t cook to save his life, like that one time Donghyuck had come home to a smoke filled room, every single window and door open, with a very scared looking Mark standing over the stove. After that Mark would mostly have food delivered. 

Donghyuck had thought about cooking for both of them, but most of the time they weren’t on good terms. He’s not really sure if there are right now, but it’s definitely better than anything before. Maybe that’s why he opens the fridge to pull out some eggs, setting two plates on the table. 

The eggs are about done when he hears a door open, a tired, messy haired Mark stumbling his way out of his room. “Oh, hey,” Mark says, walking over to the table to pull out a chair. Mark’s still wearing an old oversized hoodie and shorts, now with thin metal glasses sat perched on his nose. His hair is hidden under the hood, but he can see the messy strands that peak out from under it. 

It feels so domestic, Donghyuck over the stove cooking them breakfast, and Mark, just looking like  _ that, _ bed hair and deep voice. Like so many other times, the thought of walking over and kissing Mark takes over his mind. But unlike all the other times, there’s nothing really stopping him. So he does exactly that, taking long strides until he's blocking Mark from where he was about to take a seat. 

Mark opens his mouth, probably to ask him what he’s doing, but before he can ask he’s smashing his lips against Marks. He can feel more than hear Mark gasp into the kiss, obviously not expecting the sudden attack. Donghyuck thinks he could stand here and kiss him all day, but the smell of something burning makes him remember the eggs that were still on the stove. 

“Oh shit,” Donghyuck pulls away from Mark, running back over to the pan to turn off the stove. The eggs are now definitely burnt, all hopes of breakfast now literally in the trash. He looks back at Mark, who's now sitting at the table, an amused smile on his face. 

“Sorry,” Donghyuck chuckles out, putting the pan in the sink and taking a seat next to Mark. “I wanted to make us breakfast but I guess I got a little distracted.” 

“I’m distracting?” Mark asks with an eyebrow raised, looking stupidly smug. Probably because he knows that he is, in fact,  _ very  _ distracting. Which he shouldn’t be smug about because it just cost them their breakfast. 

Donghyuck just rolls his eyes. “Yeah. You and your stupid messy hair just ruined our breakfast,” he says with fake annoyance. Except maybe a little annoyance because he was super hungry and he had used up all the eggs. 

“It’s not my fault you just  _ had  _ to kiss me,” Mark teases, but Donghyuck can see right through it. 

“Don’t pretend that you didn’t like it.” 

“I’m not,” Mark’s voice changes a little, no longer teasing, but more… affectionate. 

“So you did like it?” Donghyuck asks, trying to tease back, but part of him is asking for real. 

Mark’s eyes flicker down to his lips, and stay there for a while, before returning to meet his gaze again. “Yeah,” his stare is unfaltering, and the silence is deafening. He doesn’t look away again, so Donghyuck has to, feeling shy under the attention. 

It stays like that for a few slightly uncomfortable moments before Donghyuck decides to speak up again. “So, do you want to like, just order food?” His stomach grumbles right as he asks, making it apparent how hungry he was. Mark just smiles at him with those eyes filled with some emotion he can’t name, nodding his head. “Sure.” 

  
  
  
  


About half an hour later, they find themselves with fried chicken and pizza on the couch, watching some new movie they both never found the time to watch. They’re sitting comfortably next to each other, knees pressed up against the other’s. Donghyuck doesn’t even really notice how close they are, too focused on eating and laughing at some joke on the tv. 

That is until the food is gone and the movies over. 

“So, what should we do now?” Donghyuck asks after he throws away their empty food containers. He plops back down on the couch next to Mark, who shrugs in response. They both had nothing to do today, and honestly both of them really didn’t want to go anywhere. The thought of spending the whole day with Mark makes him stomach flutter, but he ignores it. 

“Wanna watch a show?” Donghyuck asks, in which he gets another shrug and a ‘sure.’ He turns back to the tv, putting on some old sitcom that was easy to watch. Now that his attention isn’t taken up by greasy food or a slightly amusing movie he’ll probably forget tomorrow, he can focus more on the person sitting next to him. 

He’s seen this show about a hundred times, so he finds it much more interesting to observe Mark. The way he giggles when something funny happens in the show, the way he fiddles with the bottom of his hoodie, the way he gets a little bit closer every time he adjusts a little. It’s so subtle he shouldn’t be able to notice, but he’s so hyperfocused on Mark, he does. 

He doesn’t even know how much time has passed, but it’s felt like a long time, and to be honest he’s getting a little bored. Mark is still watching the tv intently, reacting to the show whenever something interesting happens. Donghyuck stopped watching a long time ago, instead turning to focus on something much more captivating. He waits for Mark to notice his obvious beg for attention, but he keeps his face turned straight towards the tv, not giving in. 

Eventually he gets tired of waiting, so he decides to step up his game, leaning his back against the couch, not so accidentally leaning his shoulder into the other’s. He picks his hand up and sets it just above Mark’s knee, rubbing circles with his thumb. Mark still won’t look his way, so Donghyuck starts to slowly move his hand up, running it slowly up Mark’s thigh. That seems to get his attention, as his hand comes down to stop Donghyuck from going any further. 

“Donghyuck,” Mark says with a warning tone, his hand firmly holding his own in place. “I’m trying to watch the show,” he says, picking up his hands and taking it off of his leg. Donghyuck huffs out a sigh, but returns his attention back to the tv, per Mark’s request. 

Except his attention span is basically non existent, so eventually he gets bored again. This time, he scoots a little closer to Mark, so that his entire side is pressed up against the older. He waits a few minutes before doing anything else, to make sure Mark won’t tell him to move back. He doesn’t, but he can see his eyes shift between the tv screen and Donghyuck. 

He leans his head down on Mark’s shoulder, and throws his arm around his waist, his hand pressed flat against his stomach. He still doesn’t say anything, but Donghyuck takes pride in the fact that he can tell Mark’s attention to the show is faltering. 

His fingers come down to play with the bottom of Mark’s shirt, before slipping under the fabric to touch the bare skin. He can feel Mark shudder under his cold fingertips as he runs them across his stomach, mapping it out. Much to his displeasement, Mark is still watching the tv. 

He decides to make one more move, using his hand to ride up Mark’s shirt, running his fingers with more intent and pressure. He traces along the skin before he gets to his waistline, ghosting his fingers across the waistband of his shorts. He’s waiting for Mark to stop him, but surprisingly, the moment never comes. He can see Mark visibly gulp at the action, but he makes no attempt at interfering. And even though Donghyuck would continue, it all becomes too much, too real, too fast. He pulls his hand away, trying to shake off the thought of what would’ve happened if he had continued. 

He tries to pull his attention back to the show, and while his eyes are trained on the tv, his mind is completely somewhere else. Why hadn’t Mark stopped him? Did he want him to continue? What would that have meant? It’s too confusing, and to be honest, the thoughts running rampant in his mind. 

“Stop thinking so loud,” Mark says,  _ finally  _ looking over to him. Donghyuck tries to pull away from Mark, lifting his head off of his shoulder, but Mark’s arm is reaching behind his head and around his shoulders, pulling him back in. 

“What- I wasn’t, I just…” Donghyuck sputters, burying his head into Mark’s neck to hide the flush on his cheeks. He can feel more than hear the deep laugh Mark lets out, making him curl up even more. 

“What happened to the confident Donghyuck from just a moment ago?” Mark asks, pulling back to look at the flustered Donghyuck in his arms. 

“What happened to the Mark that was so adamant about watching the show?” Donghyuck pulls away from Mark, turning his gaze back to television. He hopes Mark will let it go, the embarrassment of his previous actions making it impossible to really focus on the screen. But he can feel Mark's eyes on him, feeling slightly uneasy. 

“I guess you finally got my attention,” Mark shrugs, grabbing Donghyuck and pulling him on top of him so that his legs are on either side of Mark’s. Before he can ask Mark what he's doing his lips are pressed against his. 

He lets Mark take control, his arms wrapping about Donghyuck's waist, pulling him closer. The sound from the tv fades away and all his senses can register is Mark in front of him. He seems to lose track of time, the seconds feeling like minutes and the minutes feeling like hours, yet it's like no time has passed at all. 

Maybe that's why he forgets Renjun was supposed to come over so they could go to the library to do Chemistry homework. 

“Uhhhh,” Renjun says, awkwardly standing by the doorway. Donghyuck quickly gets off Mark, his face burning as they both separate from each other.

“Sorry if I'm interrupting,” Renjun looks between the two of them, trying to suppress a smirk. Donghyucks face just flushes a deeper shade of red as he gets up off the couch, grabbing his backpack off the floor, making his way to the door. 

“We’ll continue this later,” Donghyuck mutters to Mark as he walks away, who starts choking in response. It's then that Donghyuck realizes what he just implied, but he keeps walking anyway, Renjun looking at him with raised eyebrows. 

“Shut up,” Donghyuck pushes past him, exiting into the hallway while Renjun laughs behind him. 

“I didn't even say anything,” Renjun rolls his eyes, catching up to walk next to Donghyuck. 

Renjun holds off on saying anything until they reach the library, pulling out a chair and throwing their backpacks down by their feet. “So you and Mark, huh?” 

Donghyuck sighs, knowing the questions were going to come eventually. 

“Can we just do our homework? We have a quiz tomorrow,” he tries, knowing Renjun won't let it go that easily. 

While he's not intending on keeping anything from his friends, he doesn't even know what he would tell them. Are they friends? Are they more than friends? Donghyuck wants to know as much as they do. 

“Come on, you go from looking like you're a second away from crying everytime you look at him to sucking his face?” Renjun asks, closing the book he  _ just barely  _ opened. He gets a feeling he's not going to finish his homework tonight. 

He just hopes that he doesn't fail  _ another  _ test. 

“I don't know, okay? He apologized and told his whole tragic backstory with his puppy dogs eyes, and the next thing I know we're ordering takeout and making out on the couch,” he shrugs, opening his own book in hopes he can at least finish half of his assignment. 

“And that doesn't bother you? Even after everything he said?” Donghyuck puts his pencil down, sighing as he gives up on getting anything done. 

“What do you mean? Things are good right now, and I don't want to mess things up,” Donghyuck sighs, burying his head into his book, hoping Renjun will get the idea. 

“It's just… I don't want you to get hurt,” he says. Donghyuck scoffs at the insinuation. Why would he get hurt? Him and Mark are finally at a good place, and Donghyuck thinks he's never been happier. What could possibly hurt him?

“What if Mark doesn't want a relationship?” 

Oh. 

Donghyuck had never thought about that. To be honest there was a lot they haven't talked about, and what their relationship was, was definitely one of them. He tries to shrug it off, thinking that the signs were obvious, Mark wants a relationship. Right? 

Or was it just Donghyuck that feels that way? Who wants something for the long term? Maybe he was in over his head, maybe he assumed Mark felt the same way when really he didn't have the same picture in mind. Maybe Donghyuck falls in too deep and loves too much and always wants more than anyone is willing to give. 

Donghyuck shrugs, “Who says I want a relationship?” He asks, but it feels like he's asking himself more than anything. 

He can tell Renjun doesn't believe him, and he looks like he has much more to say. 

“Let's just finish this?” Donghyuck says tiredly, already feeling drained. “Please?” 

Renjun sighs nodding his head and opening his book. Donghyuck stares down at his own, eyes moving to from word to word, but his brain is too unfocused to really retain anything. 

All he can think about is what he would do if Mark just wanted to be friends. 

______

By the time Donghyuck gets home it's pretty late, sun set and moon peeking up from the horizon. Renjun had picked up on Donghyuck's bad mood, not asking any more questions involving his older roommate. He had gotten a surprising amount of work done for how distracted he was. That being said he's pretty sure half of the answers he got are wrong.

Asking Mark to help would be his solution, but if he wasn't unsure of their relationships before, he definitely is now. So when he walks into their room, seeing Mark not wearing a shirt, thin rimmed glasses perched on his nose, and hair still slightly damp, his brain shuts down. 

“Uh hey,” Mark says, putting his phone he was scrolling on down, giving Donghyuck a lopsided smile. Donghyuck's eyes shoot up from his exposed skin, eyes meeting Marks. 

“Hey,” Donghyuck replies as nonchalantly as possible, but his voice sounds weak and so embarrassingly  _ shy.  _

“I don’t know if you want to-” He asks awkwardly, looking up at him from his place on the bed.. 

Donghyuck feels the familiar flush creeping up his neck at the insinuation, the fact that their whole  _ situation  _ means a lot more of what they had been doing early _.  _ To be honest, he would take him up on the offer, but Mark's eyelids are drooping, the dark bags under his eyes apparent. Renjuns words are also echoing in the back of his mind, playing off of his insecurities. 

_ “What if Mark doesn't want a relationship?”  _

He can't risk starting something Mark would never want to finish. 

“You look tired. Let’s just go to sleep,” Donghyuck walks to their shared closet, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and the first hoodie he can find. He walks back into the room, seeing Mark back to scrolling aimlessly on his phone. 

He turns off the light, going to move back to the mattress on the floor. Mark clears his throat before Donghyuck can lay down. “Can you,” he starts hesitantly, “Can you sleep with me?” He finished meekly. 

Donghyuck sputters at the phrase. 

“I mean like, sleep next to me?” He clarifies, scratching his head. Donghyuck laughs, nodding his head, attempting to relieve the tension clouded between them. 

Sliding under the sheets next to Mark is something that he's done before, but something he'll never get used to. Each time his stomach flips and his heart beats two times as loud. 

He lays just close enough to not be touching, but close enough to feel the body heat of Mark ghosting along his side. As far as they've come, he's still not really sure what's allowed. This feels far too intimate, too personal for them to not talk about.

Mark shifts next to him, taking him out of his head, as Mark turns on his side, a strong arm wrapping around him to pull him closer. Mark hums in comfort, nuzzling his head into Donghyuck’s shoulder. 

“Come to my basketball game next week? It's the last game of the season,” Mark asks, sounding two seconds away from falling asleep. Donghyuck nods, “Yeah of course.” 

Mark lets out a breath, sounding almost like a sigh of relief. Mark has never invited him to a game before, always telling him that it wasn't important for him to show up. That didn't stop him from going, though, sneaking in through the backdoor to watch from the side of the bleachers. Donghyuck went to almost all of their games, especially after the whole passing out incident, but Mark didn't need to know that. 

He can tell Mark is drifting off, his breath evening out and his body relaxing against Donghyuck’s. He wants to fall asleep, wrap his arms back around Mark and pretend everything is normal, but he can't let it go. 

“Hey Mark?” 

“Hmm?”

“What are we?” 

Donghyuck regrets it as soon as he says it, with the way Mark slightly tenses at the question and his grip on his waist loosens. It's quiet for a few moments, and with every second that passes Donghyuck is closer to just taking it back.

“I’m Mark and you're Donghyuck,” Mark says sleepily, but Donghyuck can tell he's more awake than he was before. It's not what he wants to hear, but he's pretty sure it's not a question Mark wants to answer. 

“You know what I mean.”

“Do we need to label it? I like kissing you, you like kissing me, can't we just let it be simple?” 

“Simple,” Donghyuck plays with the idea. Mark makes it sound so easy, like all the answers are right in front of them. Only nothing about this feels simple. 

It feels like the most complicated thing in the world. Because simple means easy, and this is the farthest thing from easy. In fact, Donghyuck doesn't want it to be simple, he wants it to be complex, to mean more than just what's on the surface. 

“So, you mean like…” Donghyuck starts, the next words on his tongue already burning his throat. “Friends with benefits?” 

Mark pauses, an unreadable expression passes across his face. After a moment he hums, and Donghyuck can feel his heart crack a little bit. 

“I guess that is what I mean,” he says, his voice cracking at the last word. Donghyuck doesn't catch the way Mark's smile falters and his eyes cast down. 

Instead all he can focus on is the way his heart feels in his chest, the heavy feeling that consumes his entire body. He can't help but to feel disappointed that their whole relationship has been summed up to friends with benefits; no strings attached. 

But Donghyuck knows he's already in way too far to even consider being friends with Mark. That's why this will never work about between them, because he already broke the only rule; there are most definitely strings attached. 

He just wonders how long he'll last before they snap. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be the last chapter but it got too long lol
> 
> this is the most least angsty thing i’ve ever written and it was a struggle. that being said i'm not 100% satisfied with how it turned out. also this took again, way longer than expected, but school and the tennis season have started and I’ve been way busier than I expected. my computer also broke so now i have to write on my phone, which i don't really like doing. 
> 
> Anyways, thanks for the support, i'm honestly surprised whenever someone leaves a comment or even a kudos~
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/kaikoko)


	4. Chapter 4

Labels are almost like a warning sign. Something to let you know what you're getting into. A huge precaution sign, a chance to stop before you proceed. 

Donghyuck doesn't like labels, he doesn't like knowing what he's going to get into. He doesn't like expecting something that might not happen. He doesn't like getting let down when nothing goes like the label said it would. 

Donghyuck doesn't want to be just friends with benefits. He wants so much more than that. But he can't tell Mark that, he can't screw things up right when they finally are in a good place. 

So he pretends that this is what he definitely wanted. 

Even if it's all just a lie. 

________

  
  


Donghyuck doesn't see that much of Mark for the next few days. 

With the final game of the season coming up, Mark hasn't been coming home as much. At first Donghyuck tried to stay up and wait for him, but quickly gave up when he fell asleep for the entirety of his lecture the next day. 

He feels bad when he notices how bad Mark's condition is getting. Maybe it's from all the practice this week but he's been getting even less sleep than usual. Which was already basically nothing. 

But Donghyuck has been busy too, trying not to fail and all. But in reality, he knows that both of them are scared. Scared what these new feelings mean and what their new… arrangement meant for their dynamic. 

So when he does see Mark again, neither of them really know what to do. 

It's late on a Saturday night, and Donghyuck is sitting on Mark's chair, perched over his desk scattered with his homework. He's in an old oversized shirt of Marks, wearing his glasses that he rarely uses. 

He doesn't even hear Mark come in, until he feels arms wrapping around his shoulders, a hand extending to close the laptop screen. Donghyuck turns around, met with a very sleepy looking Mark. Which is basically just normal Mark. 

“Hey, it's late. You should be getting to sleep,” Marks voice is deep and hoarse, probably from all the energy exerted. 

There's reminisce of sweat on his neck, his hair the way it gets when he plays all curly and messy. His eyes are droopy and his posture is lazy. 

“So should you,” Donghyuck says, standing up to embrace Mark in a hug. Mark tenses under his arms but soon relaxes, obviously thrown off by the sudden gesture. Donghyuck himself is surprised, but it's one in the morning and all judgment is gone, and all he could think was that he wanted to hug Mark. So he did. 

Mark pulls away first, and he has to swallow the embarrassing whine that almost leaves his throat. Mark must be able to tell, because he laughs, ruffling Donghyuck’s hair. 

“I’m going to take a quick shower. I’ll be back,” Mark says, detaching the arms, capturing him around his waist, dragging his hands down Donghyuck arms until he reaches his hands, his touch lingering. 

But eventually he lets go, and goes into the bathroom, turning the shower on. Donghyuck busies himself with cleaning Mark's desk of his homework, stuffing it into his backpack. 

By the time his desk is clear, and he goes and makes some honey lemon tea, Mark is laying on the bed, wet hair and changed into some old hoodie. 

He sets his mug on the table next to the bed, pulling the covers over and slides in after he turns the light off. They plunge into the darkness, and he feels like it's fitting, since he feels like he's been thrown off the deep end, thrown into the unknown. 

He lays there and stares into the dark, nervous for something to happen or nervous something won't. He can't tell which. And he gets what wants when Mark scoots closer, laying his head onto his chest. 

Mark tilted his head to look up at Donghyuck, waiting until he caught his attention. When their eyes meet Donghyuck waits for Mark to say something, but when he doesn't Donghyuck decides to speak up instead. 

“Everything okay?” Mark tilts his head back down, laying the side of his head flat against Donghyuck’s chest, right above his heart. 

Mark's hand creeps up from Donghyuck’s side until he reaches the neckline of his shirt, his fingers playing with fabric. 

“Did you know that all fruit loops taste the same? I mean my whole life the red ones have always been my favorite.” Mark rambles, continuing to twist the fabric of Donghyucks shirt in his hands. 

“Mark are you-” 

“Like I hate the purple one but it's the same as the red one. That's like- It's basically racism, Hyuck. I can't have my fruit loops thinking I’m discriminating against them based on their color.” Mark continues on. 

This behavior is unlike Mark, the rushed way he's speaking, the way his hands are clutching onto Donghyuck like he'll randomly disappear. Something is wrong. 

He puts his arm around Marks back, wrapping his arm to place it under his chin, lifting his head so he'll look at him. 

“Hey,” Donghyuck says softly, using his position to pull Mark closer into his side. “Is something wrong?” 

“You won't leave, right?” Mark says hesitantly, like he's afraid that Donghyuck will hear him. 

“Of course not, why would you ask that?” Donghyuck waits for Mark's response. 

“It's just, this week has been so stressful with basketball and school and trying to get sleep. This game coming up means everything to me, I need to be on my best game. I need to sleep,” Mark sounded exhausted. And when Donghyuck wrapped an arm around his waist, feeling how much weight he'd lost, he knew Mark was more than right. 

“I'm scared you'll be gone and when i close my eyes everything will come back to haunt me.”

“Mark,” Donghyuck waits for him to look up at him, and when he does, he places a gentle kiss on his lips. 

“I’m not going to go anywhere. I'll be here when you fall asleep and I'll be here when you wake up. Nothing can hurt you, I’ll make sure of it.” Donghyuck swoons at the thought that Mark finds comfort, safety, in him. 

“You'll come to the game too, right?” Mark asks. “This is important, I need you there.” 

Donghyuck wonders just how much stress Mark has been under lately. Him being this vulnerable and open was not something he was used to. But goddamn was he being adorable. 

“I'll be there Mark, I promise.” 

The conversation fades out after that, with Mark curled up into his side, who lets out a sigh of relief at Donghyuck’s promise. 

They lay in the darkness for a while, Donghyuck’s eyes getting heavy, his arms and legs feeling like they're sinking into the comfort of the mattress. He's about to fall asleep, but he can barely make out a small voice interrupting. 

“I still can't fall asleep,” Mark whispers. 

“Want me to sing you a song?” Donghyuck offers, bringing a hand up to run through Mark's hair. He gets a hum, Mark taking Donghyuck free hand on his own, pulling himself even closer. 

He starts singing 10/10 by Troye Sivan, letting the melody of the chorus fill the silence. 

By the time he finishes the song Mark's eyes have finally closed and his breathing has evened out, all the tension from his face gone. 

Donghyuck closes his eyes to do the same, an arm wrapped around Marks shoulder as he pulls him closer, letting himself drift off. 

  
  


________

  
  


They end up like that more often than not, lately. With Mark coming home late and tired, looking four seconds away from falling over. 

Donghyuck ends up humming a tune, running his hands through Mark's hair until he falls asleep. And to both of their surprise, Mark is sleeping. Maybe not as much as he should be still, but he was sleeping. 

The bags under his eyes shrink, and he looks a little more lively than he had, well, ever since Donghyuck had met him. He would be lying if he said his heart didn't swell with pride and affection when he realized he was the cause. 

Tonight is no different, when Donghyuck and Mark slip under the blankets. 

“Hey Hyuck,” Mark asks when Donghyuck slides into his space to press his chest to Marks back. His voice is deep from the lack of sleep, and he almost feels guilty that he finds it extremely attractive. 

“Hmmm?” Donghyuck hums, nuzzling his head into the nape of Mark's neck. He throws an arm around his waist, and he starts to think that he's never been as happy. 

“Why are you doing this?” He asks, uncharacteristically serious. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I don't know, this whole thing, us,” Mark gestures between the two of them. 

The question feels like a trap. What if he says that he likes Mark, and Mark tells him he doesn't want a relationship? What if he tells Mark it doesn't mean anything when Mark actually wants him to say it does?

“What do you want from this? Is this all about my nightmares?” Mark asks, and Donghyuck feels like he's already in a hole he can't climb out of. 

For once he wants to tell Mark the truth. 

_I just want you._

“Yeah, I just - I just want you to sleep,” Donghyuck says instead, because the fear he feels is stronger than any sense of judgment he could have. 

Mark gives a curt nod of his head, and all of a sudden Mark is pulling away, and all the warmth disappears, like he's been thrown into a freezing cold lake. 

For some reason he feels like he just messed everything up.

___________

  
  


The more Donghyuck pays attention, the more he realizes that maybe he screwed things up a lot worse than he had originally thought. It felt time was slowly going in reverse, and all the progress made was being lost. 

Because Mark is no longer sleeping anymore. And all the worry and stress hits Donghyuck like a train at full speed. He tries everything he can, singing him a familiar tune and running a hand through his hair, making him a cup of tea along with Donghyuck’s. 

Nothing works anymore and he's never felt more useless. Like Mark doesn't want him here but he's too nice to say anything. Maybe Donghyuck is the problem here. Maybe Renjun saying Mark doesn't want a relationship was right. 

He doesn't want to think it's because of their conversation last night, which he was still confused about. It's like they're in uncharted territory and Donghyuck felt like he was becoming less and less welcome. 

It feels like a confirmation when he feels Mark twisting and turning for the thousandth time, until he settles on his back, eyes glued to the ceiling. Donghyuck feels a crack in his chest and he figures that maybe what he's been thinking is right. All of this is going to end. 

“Maybe we should stop.” 

It comes from out of nowhere, the soft spoken words cutting through the silence making them seem so innocent, so simple. But he knows both of them feel the weight that the words carry, the way his chest starts to hurt and the way he can feel Mark tense underneath his touch. 

“What do you mean?” Mark questions, tense and unmoving. Donghyuck knows what Mark is asking; “Stop sharing a bed, stop their relationship, or both?” It hurts Donghyuck to know that no matter which he says, it'll all end anyways. 

“I don't know Mark, maybe all of it,” Donghyuck sighs in a quiet voice, hoping that Mark somehow won't hear it. It all feels so real, him facing Marks back, his stiff arm wrapped around his waist. It's like a visual reminder of what he has to lose, what he's about to lose. 

He thinks he should let go, but it already feels like Mark is slipping from his grasp, and he'd do anything to keep Mark with him a little while longer. 

“Why?” Mark speaks up, his voice wavering in a way that absolutely breaks Donghyuck’s heart. But he knows it's better this way, now that he knows he’s not making anything any better. The fact that the heavy bags under Mark’s eyes, and the way he’s been dragging his feet around make Donghyuck realize that maybe he’s been thinking about himself too much. 

“You haven’t been sleeping lately Mark,” Donghyuck hesitates, an unsettled feeling seeping its way into his stomach. Mark scoffs bitterly, turning around to look Donghyuck in the eyes. The moment their eyes meet, Donghyuck wishes he could take it all back. Mark’s eyes are filled with so much hurt and Donghyuck feels like maybe he made a mistake, that deep down he doesn’t want any of this to end. 

“That's all this is all about?” Mark asks with so much accusation in his voice Donghyuck flinches. He wonders what he means. Isn't that what this whole thing had been about since the beginning. 

Mark was never comfortable around him when they first met. Ever since Mark had stopped having his nightmares, Donghyuck thought maybe he was the reason. Mark had started sleeping more and they were so happy. 

But then it all stopped. Mark stopped sleeping and everything started to go back to the way things were. And Donghyuck had to face the ice cold, harsh reality he avoided for too long. 

Donghyuck wonders if Mark is asking him, or himself. But neither one of them has the answer, and maybe that was what set them up to fail from the start. 

“You tell me Mark. I don't even know what this is anymore. I never really did.”

“I will tell you one thing Hyuck, to me, it had never for one second been about anything other than you and me,” Mark says, and for some reason Donghyuck can't explain, it hurt.

“I guess I'm the only one that felt like that.” 

They stop the conversation at that, with Mark moving to his side of the bed and Donghyuck to his own. His body feels heavy, like a thousand bags of sand are piled on top of him. 

When Mark pulls the covers off and leaves when he thinks Donghyuck is asleep, he's hardly surprised. 

He just wonders how to end this seemingly never ending cycle. 

_________

  
  


When Donghyuck wakes up Mark isn't there, but it's what he expected. 

He doesn't know why he let things end like that last night. He doesn't know and it hurts to think about, so he doesn't. He sits at home, nothing seeming to distract him. He had no classes for the day, no chores to be done, nothing to do. 

He thinks about Jaemin and Renjun, and how he hadn't seen them as much lately. He blames school, the never ending pile of work, but in reality, he should really keep in touch with them more. 

He shoots both of them a quick text, asking if they wanted to hang out. Until then he gets ready. He's in the middle of making some coffee when his phone goes off. 

_Jaemin_

sure, let's meet at mine? 

  
  


He dumps the coffee he was making into a thermos, grabbing his keys and throwing on some shoes as he walks over to Jaemins room. Knocking on the door three times. 

The door swings open revealing Jaemin, and he's pretty sure he can see Renjun eating a bag of chips on the couch. Jaemin moves aside to let him in. 

He peers his head around the kitchen and the hallways, looking for a familiar face. When he doesn't find him, he frowns a little. 

“Where's Jeno?” Hyuck asks. The more he came over the more he realized how much of a cool guy Jeno actually was. They had more or less become friends. 

“Didn’t you know? The basketball games tonight, all the players are out getting ready. Did Mark not tell you?” 

_Oh._

_Right._

“That's why I thought you texted us, so that we could all go together,” Jaemin continues when Donghyuck just looks at him blankly. 

“Umm I don't think I’ll be able to go tonight,” he says after an unnecessarily long pause. Jaemin whips his head around and Renjun does too, both looking at him like he's grown another head. 

“Why not? You realize how important this is to Mark right?” Renjun asks, his head popping up from behind the back of the couch. 

Something in Donghyuck’s face must give everything away, because Renjun and Jaemin give each other a look before Renjun speaks up again. “Did something happen between the two of you?” 

Donghyuck feels his throat lock up, like if he tried to speak it would all be too much, and the sobs that were buried less deep then he wanted them to be would spill out. 

So he just shrugs. 

“Did you two fight?” Jaemin asks carefully, like he was walking on broken glass. Which he guesses is fitting since Donghyucks heart felt like it was shattered. 

He can feel the tears burn at the back of his eyes, so he glances up towards the ceiling, blinking them back. 

“Yeah, I think we did,” he whispers, but his voice still weavers. He wipes the tears that had managed to fall, putting on the most convincing 'i'm okay’ face he could manage. 

“Let's not talk about that though,” he asks but it feels more like a plea than anything. Renjun and Jaemin give each other a look again before they both sigh, Jaemin moving to the couch, prompting Donghyuck to follow. 

“Promise us that you'll talk to us if you need to?” Renjun asks as he grabs an extra blanket and throws it over all three of them. 

He gets their concern, but right now he needs to mindlessly watch some show and eat his feelings in brownie brittle. 

“Yeah, I will,” Donghyuck dismisses, but they don't look very convinced. “Let's just find something to watch?” 

They put on some old sitcom, and Donghyuck finally lets himself be distracted, absorbed into the fake world of whatever show they were watching. Donghyuck doesn't even realize how much time has past until Jaemin taps him on the shoulder. 

“It's getting close to game time, I think me and Renjun are going to have to get going,” Jaemin says after an episode starts to end. Donghyuck glances at the clock. 6:30. The game starts in half an hour. 

“Oh, okay,” Donghyuck stays on the couch while Jaemin and Renjun got ready, waiting to walk them out. When they finally are all ready to go they all walk out together. 

“I’ll let you know how it goes,” Renjun says as they're about to part ways. They're both looking at Donghyuck like one wrong move and he'll break. Honestly it's a little suffocating. 

“Yeah, okay.” 

They wave goodbye and suddenly Donghyuck is all alone. Everyone at this basketball game he promised to be at. He walks up to his and Mark's room stopping in front of the door. 

_Mark._

Donghyuck had promised him he'd be there. Mark had told him how much it meant to him. Wasn't it selfish to break it just because of their fight? 

Even if Mark didn't want Donghyuck the way he wanted him, that didn't mean they weren't friends. Friends wouldn't break a promise for something this important. 

He gets to his door, hand on the handle, but he can't seem to turn it open. He stares at his hand touching the cold metal, knowing he couldn't just go home and sit there while everyone else was at the game. 

He decides to check the time, if the game hasn't started yet, he'd go. If it had, he'd just save himself the trouble. He lifts his phone up, pressing the home button. 

_6:55_

_Shit._

Part of him is relieved, part of him is absolutely terrified. He thinks for a second that maybe he will just stay home, but his feet are walking on auto pilot. They've already decided for him. 

______

The second Donghyuck enters the gym, he feels like it's a mistake. The bleachers are crowded and the team is warming up and it feels so normal. Donghyuck doesn't feel normal. He feels way too out of place. 

He sits down somewhere in the back, hoping being this far away will help his heart rate slow down. But then he sees Mark, doing some drills and looking so good while doing so. 

Mark starts to turn around, and Donghyuck tries to look away but it's too late. Mark catches his gaze, eyes wide, surprised to see him. It looks like he's going to smile, but he stops, his eyebrows furrowing and lips tighten into a frown instead. 

As much as he wants to leave he remembers Jaemins words, reminding him how important this night was to Mark. He remembers Mark's own words, telling him that he needs him there. 

He wasn't sure if that still applied, but Donghyuck knew he couldn't leave. And as much as his brain was on the flight mode of fight-or-flight, he really didn't want to. 

The game starts and everything starts to happen all at once. Usually the game gets intense during the last half, but everyone was on the edge of their seat and it was only ten minutes in. 

The other team seems to be a good match for our own, meaning a neck to neck match. The scores toggle between two teams, and once one has the advantage, the other makes a basket. Mark has been playing well, scoring a majority of the team's points. But Donghyuck could see the exhaustion in his expression and the way he carried his feet. 

There's only 2 minutes left on the clock until half time, the teams at a tie of 32-32. The opponents have the ball, and it looks like their about to score a point, but Mark comes out from nowhere, intercepting the shot. 

Donghyuck watches as Mark runs to the other side of the court, his feet seemingly growing heavier with each step. His pace deteriorates the longer he continues on, what seems to be second away from losing his balance. He dribbles the ball one last time before jumping up, shooting the ball towards the hoop. 

The whole audience watches in silence as the ball floats towards the basket, like time slowing down. The anticipation builds, Donghyuck praying with everything he has that the ball will make it in. 

The atmosphere is shattered when a large hand slaps the ball out of the air, turning the ball over to the opponents team. Mark’s face falls, watching as his teammates and the opposite team run down the opposing basketball hoop. 

The hesitation on Mark’s face is apparent, like he’s contemplating whether he should run with them or lay down right then and there. Donghyuck wonders how he’s still in the game, and why his coach hasn’t pulled him yet, as he looks like he’s one step away from falling over. 

After a few seconds Mark seems to remember he’s in the middle of a game as he runs to join his team. Only Mark never makes it there, tripping over his feet and landing hard on the side of his shoulder. 

The sound of Mark hitting the ground echos through the gymnasium. Donghyuck stands up from the overwhelming amount of worry, even considering running down onto the court to check if he’s okay. The buzzer rings, signifying halftime, and there's suddenly a group of people huddled around Mark, only dispearsing when Mark stands up and is led off into the locker rooms. 

Mark is holding his shoulder, wincing in a way that tells him it must hurt. Before Donghyuck can think about it any longer he slips out of the gym doors, determined to make sure he was okay. 

_______

  
  


“You’re so stupid,” is the first thing Hyuck says as he enters the locker room. Mark is sitting on a bench, an ice pack held up to his shoulder.

“Thanks,” he deadpans, taking the ice pack from his shoulder and setting down next to him. It’s the first time Donghyuck has really looked at Mark in the last couple of days, and this close up he can see the exhaustion in the details of his face. 

“What were you thinking Mark?” Donghyuck asks. Mark shouldn't have been playing, he should've sat out and not gotten hurt. What if he can't play? What if he dislocated it and he has to get like, surgery or something? What if- 

“Hey, Donghyuck. I'm fine, okay? You don't need to worry.” Mark interrupts the overflowing thoughts in his head. 

“Why aren't you sleeping Mark,” Donghyuck asks like he doesn't know the answer. He knows that Mark didn't like Donghyuck like he liked him and it screwed everything up. Mark couldn't sleep in the same house again. 

“That's not important Donghyuck.” 

“It is Mark, it's so important. I just want you to be okay. I just don't want to worry about you all the time. I just want to help,” Donghyuck says with everything he can, hoping Mark might understand how bad he wants him to be okay. 

“You don’t have to, you know.” 

“But I want to,” Donghyuck says, a little frustrated. “When will you understand that? I want to be there for you. I- God Mark, the only thing I’ve ever wanted was you. Even if you hate me now.” 

“I could never hate you Hyuck,” Mark starts. 

“It- It was never about me getting more sleep. Sure, I stopped having nightmares for a while, but it wasn’t about that either. It was about you,” Mark explains, Donghyuck confused by the meaning of it all. 

“I don’t- what do you mean?”

“I like when you fall asleep next to me,” Mark stands up off of the bench. 

“I like when I wake up next to you,” he says, taking a step closer. “I like when you run your hands through my hair when you can tell I’m stressed out, I like when you get worried about me, I like that you make me feel like I can tell you anything,” he stops when he’s standing right in front of Donghyuck, cupping his face with his hands.

“I like the moles on your face, I like when you sing a song to help me fall asleep, I like how you get shy when you kiss me, I like the way you make me feel when I look at you, I like thinking about you- like all the time,” he finishes, leaning down to kiss a speechless Donghyuck. 

“I like you,” he states simply, like it’s the easiest thing he’s ever had to say. 

Donghyuck’s hands come up and wrap them around Mark’s, whose hands are still cupping his cheeks. He drags them down to place them on his waist, throwing his own around Mark’s neck. He pulls Mark in closer, leaning his head on Mark’s shoulder, the two just standing there hugging each other. 

Donghyuck is about to tell Mark he feels the same, the words about to leave his mouth, but someone shouts Mark’s name from outside of the locker room before he gets the chance. 

“Listen, I have to go back out and play, okay?” Mark says, pulling back from Donghyuck slightly, his thumb rubbing comforting circles on the side of his hip. 

“Are you kidding Mark? You can't go out and play after that,” Donghyuck protests, taking a step forward to press his head into the crook of Mark's neck. 

“Hey listen to me,” Mark says, grabbing the sides of Donghyuck’s head to make him look into his eyes. “I will be okay, the doctor cleared me to play the rest of the game. My shoulder will be fine,” He tries to reassure, but Donghyuck feels anything but reassured. 

“I swear to God Mark, if you get hurt again I will come down onto the court and knock you out so you have no choice but to sleep,” he threatens. Mark's nose scrunches up and his eyes squint and he chuckles. 

But Donghyuck doesn't find any of this funny. 

“Mark hurry up,” the voice calls again. 

“I'll be careful I promise,” Mark leans down to kiss Donghyuck one more time before he's running to go back to the courts. 

“Wait,” Donghyuck calls, and when he stops and turns to look at him, he says “It was always about more than just your nightmares. I’ve wanted more than that since like the beginning but I think i was just too sca-” 

“I know Hyuck.” Mark interrupts, eyes gleaming. 

“I like you Mark,” Donghyuck says before the moment passes and he ends up never telling him. 

The voice calls out for Mark's name again, unnecessarily aggressive. 

“I know,” Mark gives him the biggest smile he's ever seen before he's turning around again, disappearing down the hallway. 

He leaves the locker room and returns to the bleachers sitting closer to the court than he had before. Mark renters the court, everyone clapping as he runs out to join his team. 

Donghyuck watches, his heart beating a million miles per hour. All he could think was that Mark better not get hurt again, his stomach filled with worry. 

Mark searches the crowd until his eyes land on Donghyuck, offering him a warm smile and a thumbs up. It's supposed to make him feel better, but it really doesn't. 

“Hey Donghyuck, what are you doing here?” He turns arounds, eyes meeting with Jaemin and Renjun. Oh yeah, he had forgotten to tell them that he changed his mind and would be coming to the game. 

“I changed my mind last minute,” he shrugs, scooting over so they can sit down next to him. They sit down next to him hesitantly, he can tell there's something they want to ask. 

“Did you see what happened to Mark?” Jaemin asks, in which Donghyuck nods in response. 

“Yeah, I talked to him,” he reveals, Jaemin and Renjun raising their eyebrows in surprise. 

“And are you guys… okay?” Renjun asks carefully, watching for Donghyuck’s reaction. To be honest, he's not really sure. He knows that Mark likes him and he likes Mark, but they still had a lot to figure out. 

“I think we will be,” he settles with, earning a nod from Jaemin and Renjun. They're nice enough not to push it any farther. Instead they turn their attention back to the game, which just started the third quarter. 

Donghyuck watches every move Mark makes, not even paying attention to the score. He only really starts to care about the game when Mark finally gets his hands on the ball, running towards the hoop. When Mark throws up the ball the ball goes straight into the basket. 

And then the buzzer rings. 

And then everyone stands up, and screams. 

And it's then that Donghyuck looks up to the scoreboard, 75-74. Mark had just made the winning shot. The game was over. They had won. 

“Come on,” Jaemin says, grabbing his wrist and leading him down onto the courts, where most of the crowd had already flooded, celebrating the win. 

And none of it really felt real until as he was standing on the court, a couple steps away from Mark, as everyone crowded around them, jumping and yelling. None of it felt real when Mark's eyes locked with his through all the chaos, his footsteps getting closer and closer. 

It doesn't feel real when Mark grabs him behind his neck and smashes their lips together. It doesn't feel real. 

“I told you I would be fine,” Mark says breathlessly. 

“You're lucky you were, Mark Lee,” Donghyuck threatens. “You'd be on the floor unconscious if you had been.” 

Mark chuckles. Their eyes meet and they both duck their heads, smiling shyly. 

“I didn't think you would show up,” Mark whispers. His hands leave the back of his neck and end up around his waist, pulling him closer like he can't believe he's standing in front of him. 

“Honestly?” Donghyuck starts. “I almost didn't.” Mark smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. He's scared he's said something wrong, screwing everything up again before he even got the chance to fix it. But Mark just smiles. 

“Well I'm glad you did.” 

It all feels like a dream when Mark takes his hands and leads him through the dispersing crowd. It feels like a dream when they're sitting at a local diner with milkshakes and fries, and Mark introduces him to his team as his _boyfriend_. It all feels like a dream. 

_Thank God it isn't._

__________

  
(“Hey Mark?” He nudges him as they walk to the car after most of the people had already gone home. 

“Hmmm?” Mark looks over at Donghyuck, who had stopped walking. 

“I lied,” he says, his head tilting down. “I don't like you.” 

Mark's eyebrows furrow and he looks confused, already taking long strides over to where Donghyuck was. 

When Donghyuck lifts his head he's smiling so big it must hurt. He takes Mark's hands and weaves them through his own.

“I love you.”) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help it’s 10 in the morning i legit havent gone to sleep ive been up for like 22 hours lmao
> 
> anyways this is finally finished! took way longer than expected. i don't know why but the endings to me are always the hardest to write. i have a strange attachment to this story tho and i'm kind of sad it's over :’(  
> but my computer somehow started working again and i finished this all in one day, which i do not recommend. but ig this does mean more updates/new works coming soon !
> 
> thank you guys for reading and for the support, I really appreciate all the comments and everyone who leaves a kudos, it really makes my day and encourages me to keep on writing.
> 
>   
> i made a [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/kaikok0) :0  
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/kaikoko)


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